The truth of the matter is, he's probably still in love with you right now. But if he's not holding you in his arms right this second, you know you have to get him feeling That Loving Feeling Again.
First I Have Some Bad News AND Some Good News...
The bad news first: You're going to have to do something different and smarter than you did before.
You have to be willing to change your behavior if you're going to make it work.
I called this “bad news” because most people can't make these kinds of changes. But I have hopes for you because I know you read my advice. And that means you understand that I can show you how men think and how to win him over.
The good news: If you just do a few small things differently, you can have him eating out of the palm of your hand. You can have him on his knees begging you for another chance. You can have him proposing to you within a year.
It may sound incredible, but it's absolutely doable. You simply have to have the resolve to do what you need to do.
Just follow Carlos’ advice and you'll have no problems at all.
You're not. You're simply using the rules of the game in your favor.
That's called a "Short Cut," by the way. It's the unfair advantage YOU NEED!
Another bit of good news is that you managed to win him over once. That means you're already imprinted on his brain. He's already fallen for you, so all you need to do is reactivate those circuits in his head, and warm his heart back up to you.
Let’s start with:
STEP 1: Identify the Roadblock
If you had a relationship before, that means something came up that blocked his love for you. We don't simply fall out of love with someone for no good reason.
Something had to appear that made him back away from your love. All you have to do is find it and get rid of it.
Chances are, he feels like something changed in you. Or he's discovered something that he didn't see before.
The clues for this are usually locked away in the last few conversations you had before the break up.
What you want to do is think back to your last few arguments you had.
What are the problems that came up?
What did he say about your relationship?
What has he said was a problem for him?
All the clues you need are in your last few conversations. All you have to do is remember them and see if you can pick out those Clues.
STEP 2: Give him his space!
This one is going to be really tough for most women.
When you start to panic because you may have messed something up in your relationship, the first thing you're going to want to do is to fix it.
And the first thing you'll do is start texting him WAY too much. Most people are texting in their relationships way too much already, but you definitely don't want to make this mistake if you're trying to make him love you again.
I recently asked a client of mine why she was only texting when she should be calling her boyfriend. She said to me: “What would I call him about?” (Insert astonished silence here…)
Talk to him about the same darn things you were just texting him!
I'm not understanding why women are so reluctant to talk to their man these days. I'm guessing it has a lot to do with the convenience of texting. But the truth is that if you're only texting him, you're probably pushing him away.
Men hunger for REAL connection with you...
We don't get it from our friends the way women do, so we rely on that close intimate contact with you.
So the lesson here is, make sure you reduce the amount of texting you're doing by at least 80%.
If you were texting him once a day each week, which I know is under-estimating by a long shot, you should only be texting him one day during the week.
And yes, just one message!
Every time you reach out to him and try to text or message him in some way, you're putting pressure on him. He feels pressured because he's forced to interact with you but doesn't know what to say or do to make it right.
You have to give him a tremendous amount of time to figure this out on his own.
You may have heard of the no contact rule when it comes to breakups. This rule simply says that you must avoid contact with him for at least a few weeks right away.
Right after The Break-Up, things are too raw. He's in a difficult emotional situation. And so are you!
The fear you probably have is that he's going to suddenly find the woman of his dreams in these few weeks after your breakup. I assure you it's very unlikely.
And the truth is that even if he meets somebody, she's probably going to make a ton of mistakes. These are mistakes you avoid because you read my relationship tips. (And hopefully you have at least one of my programs.)
So your first step must be to give him plenty of space to miss you in.
STEP 3: Change things up
If you haven't broken up already, you may be sensing some distance between you and him. And that makes you worried and wanting to make him fall in love with you again.
One of the best things you can do to revive your relationship is to stir things up.
Chances are, you have gotten into some familiar patterns in your relationship. Yeah, we can call them boring patterns. It's very possible that one or both of you is a little bored with your relationship.
Take a few minutes to check that out for yourself.
Are we still going out and sharing activities and experiences together?
Are we learning new things about each other?
Are we still having fun together?
Sometimes your relationship can fall into very predictable patterns. And when things become too predictable with in a relationship, it's no longer exciting.
Human beings are excited by unpredictability. And sometimes you have to inject this in your relationship to make things interesting.
It doesn't matter if we're talking about the bedroom or any other part of your relationship. We are happiest when we don't know what's going to happen next. Just like watching a movie we don't know the ending to.
STEP 4: Get him to open his heart
If there's one thing you absolutely must do to make a man reconsider your relationship it's this:
You have to get him to be vulnerable with you.
Chances are you never really had any deep emotional conversations with him during a relationship. Most women shy away from this with a guy because she's afraid of scaring him off.
But if you don't try to get him to open up at least a little bit, you're going to wind up with him leaving anyway.
Yeah, you're afraid if you do - and darned if you don't.
Men need you to help them express their feelings.
He doesn't want you to push him too hard or constantly nagged him to talk about what he's thinking and feeling.
But he does know THIS: He needs you to help him to open up to the relationship.
Men count on women for this. And if you don't know how to talk to him about the relationship in the right way, it's most likely that you're going to fail. And he will lose interest and walk away.
But it's an easy situation to fix!
STEP 5: Show your gratitude and appreciation for him
If you want to start the spark again, one of the best things you can do is to tell him all the things you love about him. There's a good chance you didn't tell him when you were still in the relationship. Or you haven't done it enough.
Just tell him about the things you really like about him - or LOVE about him!
Even if he has heard it before, he hasn't heard it enough!
Many women come to me and say that they wish their boyfriend or husband would express more appreciation for her. But when I ask her when she's done that for him, there's a long, uncomfortable silence.
One of the best ways you can communicate with him during this time is to write him a good old-fashioned letter.
I know this is going to sound crazy, but it works. I grew up in a time when people still sent handwritten letters. Today, email has taken over that spot. The closest thing we do to this is send a greeting card in the mail.
But if you want to really make an impression on him, send him something through the post office. Good old-fashioned mail.
You can even send him a card if you like. Buy a blank one and express your thoughts in writing in that card.
He will be touched. I guarantee you!
STEP 6: Take care of him - nurture him
This one is a big one. If you can show him that you can take care of him or help him while he's sick or down or depressed, you're demonstrating what he needs in a relationship.
He needs your support, he needs your nurturing. Men don't nurture each other, and we need the kind of feminine nurturing that only you can give us!
Reach out to him and show him that you will be there for him in a way that he might not expect.
This is what they meant by "bad" from wedding vows: "in good times and bad”. Yet very few people ever really think about it.
STEP 7: Get back to the good times
One of the fastest ways to get him feeling love for you again is to get back to the pattern you were in when you first started dating.
You remember, when you weren't so focused on getting a commitment out of him?
When the future didn't really matter as long as you two were together right now?
One of the best things you can do is to just go hang out with him for a short time and show him that you still have this much between you. The ability to be around each other and just BE.
It's not that you can't demonstrate your feelings, or even wonder and desire to see his feelings. There comes a point where HE needs to move more towards open disclosure and loving behavior and less like a friends-with-benefits.
The reason that so many women have this common complaint about men's behavior - that he starts out interested but then pulls away and puts less energy in - the reason that you experience this is this:
You have to create the relationship based on creating a loving bond - a COMPLETE connection - to him.
If you don't do this right, he will think that all you want is a commitment from him without really getting to know him. (This is the same feeling YOU have when he only wants to get you into bed without getting to know you...!)
The trick to making any man feel this connection is understanding him. You have to unlock his heart - just like unlocking a lock or a computer with a password.
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