If you're like most women who have been in a relationship for more than six months, you may start to wonder how to get a man to marry you. After all, marriage is the goal of a committed relationship. There are 4 big steps in any relationship:
Texting guys can be really confusing. You don't always know what to text him. But before you even send that message - STOP - and ask yourself Should I text him?
There are definitely times in dating when you should hold back and NOT send that text, and that's what I want to show you today: When you should and when you shouldn't text him...
It doesn't matter how you met him - Tinder, a party, or at the local Starbucks - you can save yourself a lot of time and effort by understanding the rules about texting and when to text.
Because you can scare a guy off with a text just as much as you could scare him away by asking him "So where is this going?" on the first date.
DID YOU KNOW: Women over the age of 60 do the most texting in the United States... (?)
There are two primary situations where you might wonder if you should text him:
You might want to remind him that you're waiting for him to get this show moving. You might also be a little hesitant that he might get weirded out from seeing a text from you.
You don't want to come across as desperate - which I can totally understand.
I'm going to give you some text rules and tips that will help you make the best decision about sending that text. Or not!
I have to make this one a number one rule because it's so easy to drunk text. Heck, even if you text while just buzzed, you are likely to slip up and things could go very wrong.
If you've had more than ONE drink, do yourself and him a favor and put down the wine glass and turn your phone off. Don't Text Drunk!
I mean, I hope you're right there having that drink with him, honestly. But if you're not and you're just itching to text him, don't do it. You're coming from a place of anxiousness, and it will show in your texts.
One thing you do not want is to text him something in a moment of "lowered inhibition" that you might regret.
Ask yourself - If I was completely sober, would I send this?
The problem being, of course, if you were completely sober, you wouldn't have this situation at all. And after a few drinks, you stop asking yourself the really good questions.
And if you do want to send that text message after your mind has cleared up, then by all means you can. Who knows, maybe you found some courage in your inebriated state - something that does need to be said later on.
But before you make that decision - BEFORE you pop open that Zinfandel - turn off your phone.
Guys fall into one of 3 orbits:
Take a minute to think about what it would be like for him to get a text from you from out of the clear blue sky.
If you've texted him before, then it really depends on the situation. And we'll cover that more here in this article...
There are a few situations where you might get a text from him first and wonder if you should text him back:
Keep in mind that men are usually VERY conservative when texting. So when a woman texts him with her:
This kind of texting feels weird to him. And it's one of the ways that women accidentally overwhelm a guy. She texts him like she's texting one of her girlfriends.
Which leads me to the next Texting Rule:
Your temptation will be to OVER text to a guy - especially when it seems like he's game for a nice long flirty session of texting.
Don't be fooled!
At the start of a relationship, guys lack self-control when it comes to flirting and playing the "enchanting suitor" role for you. You might mistake all his texting for interest in you and a possible relationship (some of it is).
MOST of a man's texting you so much right after he meets you is because he's jazzed about "talking" to you without having to risk rejection or embarrassment. It's hard for him to "mess up" in text, so he texts you way more frequently than he ever will in a relationship.
Which sets you up for a major let-down when the texting slows after the relationship starts.
In fact, a bunch of the things women see as worrisome signals that he's pulling away are actually men settling into a relationship!
If you let these false signals fake you out, you'll panic and possibly scare him off when things were actually going great.
Another signal that a woman can look for when she's wondering whether or not to text him is his response pattern.
If you've already been texting a guy, and let's say he "went dark" and stopped responding, you would expect that he would eventually get back to you. (Maybe something came up - like his phone died or he got a call.)
But if he stops responding to your texts on occasion, he may be telling you that he's just not much of a text messaging dude. Men don't text as much as women do.
"... women talk an average of 818 minutes a month on the phone, compared to 640 minutes per month for men. And women send out more text messages per month, 716 to the average man’s 555 texts."
Men also typically text women they are in a relationship with, or starting one. They may text their family on the side, but that's about it.
FACT: Guys do NOT typically text their guy friends - to chat or otherwise.
We only text to check on plans or ask a quick opinion. That's about it.
So when you text him and he's hitting it back to you like in tennis, that's a reasonable pattern that will happen at the beginning. You're both excited about the possibilities, and that will mean you'll text more frequently.
But he will likely slow his texting down after a while.
Now, some guys just don't text all that much at the start, either. Some guys just don't find it engaging or fun - and they are probably also still worried about what he SHOULD be texting you. So don't be surprised if your text message pattern feels more like dodgeball. (You fire a text at him and he just runs...)
Sometimes the best thing is just to ask him if he's an active texting kind of guy. If you get a lot of one-word replies, the guy is obviously not into texting.
And be sure to find out what HIS definition of "texting a lot" REALLY means. He could think that 2 texts a day is frequent! It's all relative.
If you're a fairly active texter, you might be texting your girlfriends pretty frequently. And every time you pick up your phone to send or reply to a text message, you're going to be seeing other people on your active roster of friends.
What this will do is make you think MORE about texting him than he will think of texting you. You're constantly being reminded by your friends and your attention to your phone of what your current "texting status" is.
It simply makes more sense that if you're constantly pulling your phone out of your purse or back pocket - you're going to be more aware of your texting status and the frequency of your texting.
Dating Tip - One question you MUST ask yourself is: Have I already texted him today?
And the next question is: If I have texted him today, was I the one who sent the first text?
If you have not yet texted him yet today, then you can probably send him a "check-in" text. This is a light text that says:
"Hey, just wanted to see how your day was going..."
Don't get into over-thinking that text - send this text exactly as you see it.
And if he doesn't respond, DO NOT SEND A FOLLOW UP to "see if he got the first one." That's guaranteed to take you from "cool chick" to "needy woman" in a fraction of a second.
That's all you need to send for the next several days.
As a general rule, you should -
Why? Because you need to see if this guy has the stones to show you his interest - and act on it. If he doesn't, he's not a man you want. Men these days are getting let off the hook for their portion of the initiation of romance. Mostly because of a lot of mixed messages in the media.
Ignore the static!
If you're in a relationship, then text whenever you feel like. But I'd still recommend not too much, or you'll risk feeling like you're too THERE to him.
You want men to always be missing you a little. It's hard to do that when you're THERE all the time, right?
Some women can just intuitively sense when a guy is not all that into them. You just smell it in the words of his texts, or in the way he behaves.
Just be sure that your "intuition" isn't really "pessimism" in disguise. Sometimes we get so conditioned by bad results that we start assuming that every pattern of silence in texting means that he's already gone.
Which is why you must assume this guy is just a shy fool for the first few days. And if he doesn't ask you out - or reach out - after that first week, you mentally toss him in the trash.
You toss your hopes out for him because:
In short, if you are faster to let go of these "almost romances," you will avoid a lot of that dreaded feeling of desperation and panic when a man's communication skills don't match your own.
So if you get that "vibe" that this guy is turning into a dud, throw him back in the pond. The quicker you do, the quicker you'll cultivate the more easygoing attitude of a woman who is not desperate or clingy.
Look, if you just met this guy, NO.
Because if you really look at your motivation for wanting to text him first, it's all wrong.
The likely reason you want to text him first is because you think he's either forgetting about you, or he's slipping away from you. If you've been broken up, you're just worried about him moving on.
Don't text a guy first. You're just showing him that you will do the chasing.
If your relationship is on break, or you have broken up, you need to be very careful about texting him. Mostly because you don't want to be in contact with him for a while after the breakup. If you do, you risk him not giving you a second chance.
If he was the one to initiate the "break" in the romance, then you absolutely want to respect that "no text zone" for a while.
The problem with this "taking a break" zone is that it's really never a break. It's usually one person in the relationship that just couldn't stomach saying "look, it's over." They wimped out on the real breakup because they want to take the weaselly way out.
I should know, I've done it a few times. It was always easier than hurting the other person.
Until it wasn't.
Guys tend to pull this "let's take a break" thing because it's only about 10% less weaselly than breaking up in a text message. Guys are wusses when it comes to making a clean break because we are crushed when we have to make a woman unhappy.
That's why he says "take a break" instead of "break up."
So my short answer is: Don't text a guy you're taking a break or broken up with. The more he thinks you've moved on, the more likely it is you'll hear from him again.
The more you "just check in" on him, the more likely he'll just ignore your texts and then completely block you.
Which really is the best answer to the question: "So should I text Him - Or Wait?"
If you have a question about texting him or waiting, the answer is almost always "wait."
You can check my logic here - it's flawless.
Now let's dig into this very special situation - what if you've broken up for a while and you've stayed silent, and you've been patient.
OR - maybe you "took some time apart" - or "time off..."
This is a different situation, and it really requires that you know more about where your ex's head is at. Before you text him, I suggest you gather some intel on what's going on with him.
If you have any friends in common, you should talk to them directly to see what's going on with him. After all, you don't want to try reaching him when he's in another relationship where he's happy. But you might have an opportunity if he's single and he's been talking about you, right?
Whether or not you talk to his friends, you can always do a little Facebook stalking to find out what's going on, too. Take a look at the activity on his page and see what he's been up to. If he's traveling the world, he might not be open to meeting you at Starbucks. But if all he's been doing is binging on his streaming shows, you might have a chance.
The best way to text anyone you've been out of contact with for a while is to be very brief. Send something that is just a friendly check-in, and then pay attention to how quickly he responds - and how much he responds.
Send him something like this: "Hey, Jim - I was just watching a show last night that reminded me of you..."
OR: "Hey, I was going to eat at (some restaurant you went to with him) - did you know they closed?"
You don't want to mention the show because this will tickle his curiosity a bit more. And it offers him an excuse to respond - even if it's only to ask you "Which show?"
Texting Dating Tip: Keep it light and short, with no emotional heaviness in it. You want there to be as little friction as possible for him to respond. If he feels the weight of your emotions in the message, it could make him very leery of responding.
Don't say things like:
If it sounds like you're a dumpster fire of heartbreak, you'll freak him out.
After you text him, you just use your instincts to tell you how best to interpret his response.
But again, don't get caught up in playing the interpretation game. MAYBE show his response to a friend to get feedback, but don't read into it. Take it at face value.
If he's at all interested in seeing you or talking again, he'll suggest it. You honestly don't want to try to rekindle a romance with a guy who can't find the energy or guts to ask you for a coffee or to dial you up on the phone.
Things get more complicated when you're caught up in wondering what you should text a guy - depending on the situation.
If you've just had a fight:
But most important of all the dating tips I have for you when it comes to texting is that you have to know exactly WHY you're texting this guy.
And when I say WHY - I mean, what is your motivation for reaching out to him?
Skip the superficial excuses you might tell your friends, like:
Many times we come up with these "fake" reasons to justify our behavior because we are trying to rationalize our panicked emotions.
We have to admit that the most likely reason you want to text him that you're anxious about your connection to him and you're probably worried about losing him
- if you're not already separated or broken up.
Admit that, then you can work to settle your emotional state and really look at the situation clearly.
Whether this guy is someone new that you want a chance to date, or a guy you've been dating that has grown distant, or he's an ex boyfriend you want to win back, it's far less about what you text him and more about what you're NOT texting him.
In other words, men will almost NEVER lose interest in you because you didn't text him.
This is the one scenario that probably causes women the most problems when it comes to understanding if you should text him. And it really requires you to look at what happened leading up to his "radio silence."
A normal, interested man will text you as he feels he needs to. And that's not always going to be on your schedule of need.
This is definitely a situation where you have to be willing to not lose control or let anxious feelings push you into panic. He's still there, and most of the time you'll find that he was just dealing with "other stuff."
If you'd like more detail, I explain a lot more about how to handle this situation for you in this article...
As you can see - most of having a successful relationship with a man is about how well you understand a man's behavior.
In fact, 99% of dating and creating the relationship of your dreams is simply understanding men!
If you'd like to learn more about how men work so you can finally get the man you want to commit to you, go read this article now...
START HERE - RELATIONSHIP GUIDES:
Relationship Tips & Advice
Dating & Relationship Advice Published By:
Morpheus Productions, LLC
1115 Madison St NE #1047
Salem, OR 97301
START HERE - RELATIONSHIP GUIDES:
Relationship Tips & Advice
Dating & Relationship Advice Published By:
Morpheus Productions, LLC
1115 Madison St NE #1047
Salem, OR 97301
What makes a man decide to leave his wife — What makes a man leave his wife for another woman? As a coach and counselor for women on dating and relationships, I often run into situations where a marriage has ended. And there's always the question about what makes a man leave his wife like […]
Wouldn't it be great if there were secret signals that a guy likes you? Are there signs he's secretly in love with you? Well, the answer to that question is yes. No secret there. And I'm going to cover some of those secret signs here for you. The guy you're curious about might be working […]
When you meet a guy or just want to start up a relationship with a man these days, you need to know how to start a conversation over text. Luckily, this isn't hard to do if you know what he is looking for. Sometimes it's hard to come up with the right thing to say, […]
"Where are all the good men?" Every woman has asked this at some point or another. So let's talk about where to meet men, and some places you might not have thought about. When it comes to meeting men, the truth is that there are really no bad places to meet men. Oh sure, you […]
Have you ever found some evidence - a text or a note or something - and thought - Is he seeing someone else? You might wonder if you're just being paranoid or "overthinking" things. But you can't deny, the evidence is there. This situation is related to an email I got recently from someone: ______________________ […]
Nothing is more frustrating - and more common, it seems - than the experience of texting a guy and he stops replying to you. You get GHOSTED. It sounds like some kind of supernatural disease - GHOSTING... but it's one of the most common dating experiences these days. In fact, it's become pretty common for […]
Breakups are heart-wrenching - and most women would love to know how to make him regret leaving you - or just make him regret dumping you in the first place. And sometimes you just want him to know what he's missing out on. How stupid he was for letting go of you... Yeah, it may […]
Have you ever had a guy stop talking to you after you get into a disagreement? What do you do when a guy ignores you after an argument? There's nothing more frustrating than getting the silent treatment. You feel ignored, minimized, and very small. It also feels like you're abandoned. I'm pretty sure each of […]
It's probably every woman's worst fear: the breakup. And then you find yourself texting your friends: "I Miss My Ex Boyfriend - And I Want Him Back!" Everything probably started out fantastic between you. You had great dates, great fun, great bedroom action... And then things started to cool off. He didn't text you as […]