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Relationship Tips & Advice
What do you do when you find The One? After all, you don't want to risk losing him. And you sure don't want to miss your chance...
Even if you don't really believe in just one person for you, this article will help you understand how to keep this special person in your relationship. Because we all realize that some people are easier to stay with than others. And we know it'll just be easier for us to stay with them in the long run.
Many people panic when they meet somebody that could be a soulmate to them.
Very often we feel that love is scarce. And even more scarce is finding the person you are meant to be with.
One of the first things you want to do is make sure you're seeing the signs correctly. After all, you want to make sure that this guy really is The One for you.
I'm going to cover the signs you've met the one first. And then I'll tell you a little bit more about what to do after you find the one.
Some things you'll figure out on your own just by tuning into your instincts.
But of course it's always a little bit difficult to trust our gut for relationships. So I will be giving you specifics about what to look for as well.
Hopefully this will give you the insurance you need to keep your relationship strong and not lose him!
One of the best indicators that you've met the man that's meant to be with you is that you notice all of your usual obstacles seem to disappear. This guy seems to be on the same page with you.
What were once difficult parts of a relationship for you, are now no longer so difficult.
You don't fight about the same things, if you fight at all. Those little deal breakers that you ran into with other guys don't come up. And if they do they are nowhere near as difficult to overcome.
It's a lot like when you do a puzzle and all the blanks just start filling in for you. It almost seems effortless.
One of the trickiest things in a relationship is knowing how much of yourself to show your partner. Early on in the relationship, we often hide so much about ourselves for fear of being rejected.
In fact it's so easy just to keep hiding those things later on. Especially if you want the relationship to work out and end up in marriage.
It's so important to be able to be authentic with someone in a relationship. And it's very likely that your soulmate is wondering this about you too. If you're both genuine, then it's much more likely you're going to work to keep this together.
When you find The One, not only can you just be yourself, but you can also let him see the dings, dents, and scratches in you. You're not advertising your flaws, but you're also not needing to hide them to make sure he won't leave you.
In fact, this will also let you work through arguments and disagreements much faster. You won't be protecting yourself as much as the relationship itself.
You'll always be working towards the same common goal. And when we see the other person as a normal human being, we lose the intimidation factor - and we start to gain the admiration of our partner.
It's absolutely imperative that you feel like your partner is there for you - that they are pulling for you. And when you find someone in a relationship that does this without you having to constantly ask them or wonder, everything seems to flow so much better.
It's like you're both paddling downstream in the same canoe. Both in the same boat, and you both know you want to stay afloat.
Inevitably when you're in a relationship that is shaky, you feel a constant sense of anxiety. You're always wondering when it's going to dissolve or erupt.
The cool thing about a relationship with your soulmate is everything is calm. There's a sense of ease about the relationship.
Be sure to pay attention to the overall atmosphere of your relationship. Generally this tells you exactly where you're sitting right now. Most relationships have a certain amount of anxiety and shadiness about them.
A relationship where you're with The One feels steady and less uncertain. You may not even be able to figure out why. It just is.
Let's face it: one of the most difficult parts of relationships with men is how much they seem to resist commitment.
When you find a guy that things seem to flow easily with, you'll immediately recognize he's just not fighting it.
And again this also leads to you feeling much more relaxed and comfortable in the relationship.
Just recognize that you may even wonder why you aren't having the usual problems with him. Let that thought come and go, don't let it sabotage the positive momentum of your relationship.
One of the things I notice about good relationships is how well each person treats the other in the relationship. The typical negativity harbored by people with childhood issues just doesn't come up as much.
This is one of the important reasons have to have your own stable mindset before you go hunting for your soulmate.
The first thing that comes up in any relationship is where your insecurities meets his insecurities. This is what causes the conflict and strife within the relationship.
You do things for each other just because you care about each other.
And you maintain a positive attitude of respect at all times. There's no name-calling, bickering, underhanded sneaky behavior.
You have to pay attention to the types of guys you're dating, too. You can usually pick up the vibe of a guy who is into relationships.
He's going to have a focus that is obviously more leaning towards a girlfriend than a hookup. And that's exactly what you want to see.
If he's the other kind of guy, of course he's going to have a very lackadaisical attitude towards your relationship.
Pay attention to his vibe. You'll probably pick up right away whether or not he's a relationship guy or hookup guy.
Okay there are a few more signs of finding your soulmate obviously. And I've written about these more extensively in older articles which you can find here...
What I want to get to right now are the strategies you need to have in place to keep The One when you find him.
This goes hand-in-hand with the positive mojo in a lot of ways.
When you're in a relationship with someone who genuinely cares about you, and you understand this deep in your heart, you don't think they're always trying to hurt you.
Quite the opposite actually. You know that they are always looking out for you. They care about you, and they're always taking care of your best interests.
So one of the best things you can do for your relationship is to assume the best from them - not the worst! And be on the lookout for when anxiety or worry puts you in a mode of worrying about your relationship.
You want to avoid sabotaging the positive vibe you've got.
It's tempting to start Facebook posting every meal you eat with him, pictures everywhere you go with him, and everything you do. But you have to relax that and don't get too invested too quickly.
Be careful about:
These things can put an undue strain on your relationship. Sometimes this can be overwhelming for a man in the first stages of falling in love.
This is a delicate time. You have to treat your new soulmate relationship as if it's delicate.
Because it is.
Over sharing is often a sign of insecurity. And I'm sure you probably seen this pattern in other couples and other relationships.
When you find somebody that matches you well, and is compatible with you, there's a temptation to go all-in. Resist the urge and keep your viewpoint balanced.
A recent coaching client of mine came to me about her relationship...
We discussed an incident between her and her boyfriend, which wasn't that big a deal. And she finished her email to me saying that she was in no rush. The relationship was new, and she was taking her time.
And that's how I knew she'd be okay.
She had a very balanced outlook about her new relationship. It was very promising, but she wasn't going to stress it by putting all of her expectations on it.
One of the things I used to do that was a big mistake you should also avoid is this: I used to have my female best friend meet my newest love interest as soon as possible. This wasn't cool because it was usually too soon, and my friend was also probably intimidating for my new girlfriend - being a woman.
So be careful how soon you start pulling him into all areas of your life.
Another place you have to be careful is in the bedroom. When you first start sleeping with someone, the temptation is to get as much of it as you possibly can. And if you've had a long gap in dating before meeting this person, it's even more tempting.
(Hey, who doesn't want lots of sexytime?)
Make sure you're getting enough outside time as well as in the bedroom time. You have to make sure that the compatibility in conversation, connection, and hobbies is there for you both. BEFORE you get really stuck on each other and realize it's not a good match.
Make sure you are doing at least one activity along with any sleepovers. You don't have to cut off sex completely, by no means. Just make sure that you are balancing your time so that you get complete perspective on the guy you are dating.
If he's your soulmate, then he's going to want to go along with this and spend this quality time as well.
One thing I advise every single one of my the coaching and phone coaching clients to do is that they absolutely must start journaling. This isn't usually an issue as most women typically enjoy journaling.
There are many reasons for writing in a journal:
Journaling just gives you a perspective that you can't have when you've got lots of emotional thoughts floating around in your head. You have to pin them down.
At some point, it will be great for you both to look back on what you wrote. You'll have a bunch of insights into the relationship and into yourself as a person.
Even the best relationships don't have everything in common. Meaning that every relationship has areas where they are not compatible.
The key is in how those things are handled. Is he respecting those differences between you?
And do you respect his differences as well?
It's quite frequent that a man feels disrespected because a woman decides she wants to change something about him that she doesn't like. And that feels not only disrespectful, but he feels hurt and rejected.
Be aware of where you may not be accepting him completely.
One thing we do when we have a unique relationship is that we find a way to communicate. And we even find our own shorthand ways of communicating emotions and the difficult topics.
You must have a strategy for handling the uncomfortable parts of your relationship. There will be moments of tension and stress that you have to be able to work out.
As soon as you can, you should start to work on finding the ways to handle these difficult subjects with him.
For example, when he brings up a topic that you don't want to discuss in that moment, what should you say?
You might have a special code word like: "Can we rock that boat later?"
That can be your special way of saying "Let's wait" that won't raise the tension. And it lets him know that you can talk about it later. Just not now.
In almost every single successful relationship that I have coached, counseled, or helped in some way, the couple knew how to check in with each other.
One of the best ways you can do this is to set aside a time during the week to reflect and discuss what happened in your lives - as well as between you both.
Some of the things you can talk about are:
Now of course you don't want to just talk about the negative stuff. Make sure you also include:
So it becomes a place for you to not only check in on each other's lives and where you are, but also how the relationship is doing.
Think of it as a quick checkup. Only this kind of checkup keeps your relationship strong and healthy.
You might think that it sounds a bit goofy, or even new agey. But this is one of the key conversation and communication skills that all of the best relationships have! Just because it's new or different doesn't mean it is not something you could learn to use.
And if your partner resists, be mindful of that and take your time. Even if you don't formally introduce this meeting time each week, you can do it informally in your conversations - Just by asking questions.
The most important way that you can make sure that your soulmate won't be missed or lost is knowing how to make that special kind of connection with a man.
There's nothing worse than having a really great man in your life, and being constantly anxious that you're going to lose him or mess up the relationship.
Not in video games or addictions - or worse, another woman.
That's why it's so critical that you know what his connection code is. Every man has a different code, but when you know them you can have almost any man wrapped around your finger.
There are only six of them!