I'm going to start right out and tell you that this is not going to be like other articles that give you the same "Cosmo" kind of advice about how to grab his attention. You have to get this kind of advice from a MAN.
And yes, I'm that man.
There are a lot of articles out there that tell you to pose sexy, dilate your eyes, wear red, etc. While it's true that this is interesting stuff to read about, it will not give you ANY edge when you want to grab his attention.
Sometimes you just want his attention BACK on you after losing it...
Of course the first thing you want to do when you meet a new guy is to get him to really see you. And if you've been in a relationship for a while, you know that the glow often disappears and you might feel taken for granted.
Or worse - he disappears or ghosts you. That's not fun at all.
But there's a really big mistake women make when it comes to getting the attention of the man they desire. In fact, it's the biggest mistake:
It's one thing to have him notice you - and another thing completely to get him feeling emotional desire for you. You have to know this difference and know how to make him really feel it.
Some women think it's enough to wear the right clothes, push their boobs up to their neck, reveal some leg...
Some women think it's enough to wear a really fragrant perfume...
Some women think they need to laugh louder or act more "visible..."
Some women think they have to flip their hair, bat their eyelashes, lick their lips, or act seductive...
All of these methods will only make you look like you're trying too hard.
Women everywhere get SEEN by men. That's not hard. But you have to ask yourself HOW you are being seen.
How do you WANT to be seen?
As a guy, I can tell you that we see through most obvious ploys. We know when a woman is TRYING to get attention. We also sense the women that are less overt with their behavior and act more demure, when it's backed up with FEMININE CONFIDENCE. (More on this in a minute.)
So now let's get into the meat of how to grab his attention...
TIP 1: Know Your Target...
Look, you might think this bit of advice sounds a bit mercenary, but you need to know something about this guy that other women don't. Men are all too familiar with the women who only seem to want to have men worship at their feet. If he's a little older than, say, a college frat-boy - well, you're gonna want to be smarter than the average girl.
Most men (not boys) want to know THEY are of interest to you. And the way to let him know you're interested is to get a little information about him up front.
If this is a guy you've just met, you want to ask him questions about his life. Find out what makes him tick.
What are his hobbies?
Where has he traveled?
What drives him and motivates him?
If you ask the usual small talk questions, you will bore him fast.
Now, if this is a guy in your social circle, you should also try to learn more about him from his social media presence. Check out his Facebook page...
What's he into?
Who does he know?
Any common friends...?
What is his personality type..."
And always keep your eye out for the next level -
TIP 2: Look At The Next Layer Down...
Look, high quality men don't grow on trees. If you've ever heard a woman complain about "where are all the good men?" you know this intimately. It seems like all the "good ones" are taken, and there's a gladiator arena where you have to fight for the scraps. (Some call that arena "singles bars")
The truth is there are tons of good men - but no shortage of women to blame him for not being straight out of some romantic comedy movie.
HINT: A lot of guys feel the same way about women - that we'd like to change a few things here and there, we just don't need to in order to be happy in the relationship.
In order to get these guys - or uncover the hidden gem that's probably in the men you are meeting - is you gotta be willing to tap into the next layer down.
What I mean by this is that you have to get into a guy at a deeper level than:
"What do you do for work?"
"Where are you from?"
"What do you... " zzzznnnnxxxxxxx.... snore...
There's no shortage of small talk out there, that's for sure. So you need to go a few steps deeper in conversation than this.
Once you know more about him, it shouldn't be that hard to figure out how to deep-dive into a conversation with some meat on it. Small talk is for the chicks who are afraid to offend.
The hell with that - I say go for the throat. If he can't handle a little reality talk, he's going to be a pill later on.
Again, the older the guy, the less patient he will be with the dating strategies of women in their 20s.
Get to the Next Level with him...
TIP 3: Beware The Needy Switch...
The "Needy Switch" is something I talk about when it comes to your posture with men. If you perform the Needy Switch, what you're doing is seeking the attention from him as a way to make you feel better about yourself. It's really a way to distract yourself from the fact that you're not really looking for HIM. You're looking for a guy that will pump up your opinion of YOU.
And that's where most neediness starts in relationships.
When you're out there in the dating world, you're going to take some bumps and bruises. It's part of love and relationships.
As I like to say, don't hate the player - and don't hate the game either! Instead - rewrite the rules so you will win.
Don't look for attention to satisfy YOU - look for his attention so you know you have a quality guy on the line. You use a special bait to attract the right kind of fish- not every minnow in the pond.
TIP 4: Plug In...
The fact is that higher energy women will get more attention from men than low-energy wallflowers.
But that doesn't mean you have to change your personality type from introvert to extrovert. First of all, that won't work - you won't change your personality type. And second, you'd just exhaust yourself living that lie.
All you have to do is broadcast yourALIVENESS!
What does that even mean?
Well, you only need to be able to:
talk about positive topics
exude a little more animation in your body language
Positive topics are things you can talk about that don't drag the conversation into the boring zone.
Here are some examples:
Thought provoking ideas
Plans for the future
Something new in your life that's worth sharing
Here are a few things you should NOT talk about:
Politics - Seriously, stay away from this until date #2 where you can start to hint around it. IF this is a big deal for you in a boyfriend or husband...
Family drama - Don't talk about your family strife if you can avoid it. Save that for when you prepare him to MEET your family...
Money - His, yours, or anyone's
Past relationships - ESPECIALLY marriages!
Religion - Pretty obvious that this could get heated...
Keep the talk positive.
When it comes to your body language, try and be expressive and emotionally involved. It's not hard - just talk about something that is engaging!
It's hard to look interested if you talk about boring things. And yet people do this all the time on dates. They start out with boring small talk because they think they're supposed to, and proceed to bore them both out of a possible romance.
TIP 5: Let Your Fingers Do The Talking...
No, I'm not saying sign language him from across the room - although that could be an interesting way to get his interest. I'm saying you should - at some point - touch him lightly during your conversation.
It doesn't matter if it's your 1st or 50th date, touch works with men. It sends a delicious jolt of excitement into a guy to feel a woman's touch.
This is a big reason why so many men get grope-y with women. We're so enchanted with you, and yet we feel held at a distance. If you can reach out and lay a hand on his arm for a short moment (no more than 2-3 seconds) and then pull it away, I guarantee he will remember you.
TIP 6: Be A Social Sleuth...
I have to admit that the one thing that I find rather daunting about social media is also the one thing that you can use to your benefit. If you are friends with a guy on Facebook, for example, you can gather a LOT of good intel by looking at his posts, his friends, etc.
Then you can use that information to hit him up again later. You should really pay attention, because you have some incredible insight here at your disposal. A man will be guarded in social conversation with new people, but online? He'll post his heart out to anyone that reads it.
So take note if he says something interesting, and then hit him up again with it later. He'll be impressed that you were paying attention to him and you remembered.
Just talk to him about it fairly casually, and only if you've been connected for a couple weeks. You don't want him thinking you're stalking him.
And if you're NOT friends on social media, that should be your first step. Just be sure to clean up the stuff you might not want him to see on your profiles. (Wink wink...)
TIP 7: Ask For Help...
It's no secret that guys love helping women. Mind you, we don't want to be your janitor or moving guy. But we don't mind helping you out with things. It's part of our genetic code.
So look around your house or apartment next chance you get. I'll bet there's something that you either know how to fix but just don't want to bother with - OR you've got something that's needing repair that you have no clue what to do, like an old iPod or a wonky TV picture.
Ask him for the advice first...
Just ask him about what he thinks YOU should do to take care of it. And pay attention to his instructions. Part of this equation is how genuinely you seem to be taking his advice.
The problem could also be a social situation that you want his advice on. Ask him what he would do if he were you.
Now, if he seems amenable to it, and interested, then by all means you can ask him to come by sometime and help you out (if it's something like a messed up TV image). A fix-it challenge is a great piece of bait to offer a guy, because chances are he was waiting for an opportunity to get to see you again.
By the way, this one works for a guy that might have lost interest in your relationship, too.
TIP 8: Give Him Lots Of Dirt...
Look, the reality is that you might get about twice as many dates if you understood that guys are usually totally down to date you - they just need a low-risk way to ask. Your best bet is to give him a TON of opportunities to ask you out.
So the more you can slip in details of your life into conversation with him - without looking like you're just bragging, of course - the more chances he will have to find something in common to connect with you about. Just keep it focused on only the activities you're really interested in.
It's a little like mining, in a way. The more dirt and stone you turn over, the more likely you're going to find a nugget of gold or a raw diamond.
And of course, the LESS you "mine," the less you find.
Don't be stingy on letting him know the kinds of things you like to do, whether that's movies, plays, seminars, live music, go-kart racing, bowling... you get the point.
TIP 9: NOW Whatcha Gonna Do?
Do you know what to do with his attention when you get it?
This is the #1 problem that women have after they figure out how to grab his attention. Because once you do have his attention, it's just as easy to lose it again if you don't know how to keep it on you and what to do next.
Most women who are starting to date a guy just want him to stay focused on her long enough for them to fall in love - instead of him ghosting her or losing interest.
Now, you don't have to jump through hoops to keep his interest. You just need to know what makes men pay attention to one woman - and NOT another!
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