Women everywhere want their man to think about her - and only her. Sometimes it seems like guys have their attention elsewhere. And that's why I'm going to show you a few tips on how to make him think about you...
Who's it going to be...?
Because if he's not thinking about you, that space in his thoughts could be filled by another woman.
Let me explain...
What inevitably happens in most relationships is that one (or both) of the people in the relationship start to get bored. Once they get bored, they no longer value their partner, and they start to "check out" of the relationship.
They stop doing all the stuff they did at the start...
They lose the deep connection and start to withdraw from the relationship...
They start to long for the addictive rush of a new romance again...
And what inevitably happens is that we lose our gratitude for the relationship. And the grass starts looking greener elsewhere.
This seems to happen more with guys - from a woman's point of view. And very often a woman will start to step up her efforts in an attempt to "keep him interested." She tries to make up for the difference in energy in the relationship.
This is also a HUGE mistake - because it will now make HIM seem like the "prize" to be won, and he will stop appreciating her.
Let me tell you up front that the harder a woman works to win a man, the more unhappy she is likely to be in the relationship later. For the simple reason that a man needs to appreciate you for the relationship to thrive. (Actually, you both need to appreciate each other and value the relationship!)
The best solution is to not only make him think about you, but you have to make him a wee bit scared - deep down in his bones - of losing you, too.
There's a saying, you don't know what you got 'til it's gone. And that goes DOUBLE for relationships!
If you haven't gotten him focused on you yet - or the romance is just beginning, don't worry! We're going to cover that here, too.
Let's start with:
STEP 1: TRIGGER HIS CURIOSITY...
Men are amazing when they get curious about something. If he becomes fascinated with something, he won't stop thinking about it.
He CAN'T stop thinking about it.
Pique his interest...
Thomas Edison was obsessed with his inventions, filing over 1093 patents in his lifetime. That's a lot of obsession.
Yeah, you could say he lived and breathed his work.
And if you want your man to live and breathe YOU - you can learn a lot from how men get stuck in their curiosity.
One of the most important ways you make him curious about you is to never give him too much information ABOUT you. Again, a big mistake I see both men and women make in dating is that they tend to tell too much about themselves.
"But Carlos - how is he supposed to fall in love with me if he doesn't know me?"
Ah, therein lies the rub, as Mr. Shakespeare would say.
"Men don't fall in love with YOU. They fall in love with the IDEA of you." - Carlos Cavallo
He doesn't need to KNOW you to form emotions for you. In fact, the more we know about someone, the more it spoils the effect.
Think of the last guy you fell for. I'll bet you didn't know nearly as much as you think you did about him. If you did, that knowledge might have spoiled the illusion that love depends on.
We allow ourselves to jump headfirst into a crazy emotional relationship a lot more frequently than we would like to admit.
The intellectual relationship - where we actually get to KNOW the object of our affection - almost always happens in the months after we forge the chemistry. If you go for "brain" attraction before "hubba hubba" attraction, you always feel flat and bored by the person.
Take a look back on your history of romance. I'm sure you'll see a similar pattern.
We all talk a good game, but the reality is that we tend to throw ourselves into lust pretty darn quick - and then into love as fast as possible to justify that lust!
STEP 2: LEAVE HIM WANTING...
This is the key step that MUST follow Step 1 above. If you know how to do this right, you'll keep him fantasizing about you 24/7 until you get together again.
At first, you might be confused - or even angered by me saying that. You might think I'm suggesting that you shamelessly manipulate a man's feelings to get him to fall for you.
And you'd be lying to me if you said you hadn't considered trying a few psychological tricks on him to start that wild fascination for you and to get him thinking about you.
He can't wait to hear from you.
We've all wanted to know how to get that special person interested in us. In fact, a full 3/4 of the questions I get are just that - women wanting to know how to get that special guy to fall for her. (Or at least make some kind of commitment to the relationship.)
You might even be surprised to know that men ask the EXACT SAME QUESTION. In many cases, he just wants to know what to say to make her attracted to him.
So listen up!
If you give a guy everything he wants on the first date, he's got nothing left to think about. And I'm not just talking about sex, either.
If you tell him your whole history, if you give him too much detail, if you answer too many of his questions, you'll bore him.
There's a saying:
The first rule of show-business is - ALWAYS leave them wanting more.
There's a reason for this:
This is what I call - The Rule of RESTRAINT.
The rule is simply to leave people feeling more like they didn't get enough of you than they got TOO MUCH of you.
You ever have someone overstay their welcome? Maybe it was a house guest or some other kind of visitor.
And how did you start to feel about them when you felt that nagging pressure of "when are they going to leave?"
Yup. That's what everyone feels when they get TOO MUCH of someone.
Don't give him what he wants on the first one, two, or even THREE dates. (Who wrote the 3-date rule? That's just the illusion of restraint.)
Because here's the truth:
The only guys who jump into relationships after sleeping with you on the first date are desperate. They're low quality guys with issues, typically.
And the only men who won't stick around after several dates without spending the night were never going to commit!
Wow - it sure got quiet in here.
You might be thinking:"But Carlos! If I make him wait too long, he'll lose interest and jump on some other woman who will give it to him easy!"
That's almost NEVER what happens!
The men who go after the easy woman when they ONLY want the sex are the guys who can't commit anyway.
I'm assuming this is the kind of guy you're trying to avoid, right?
Men who are properly primed to fall in love with you are the ones who did not get everything they wanted on those first few dates.
Always leave them wanting more - because nothing ruins love like leaving him wanting LESS!
STEP 3: Is He Pulling Away? FIND OUT WHY HE'S LOST HIS MOJO...
When a guy has lost that loving feeling, there's a good chance this has been going on for a while. I believe that this is why women have such a keen radar for relationships that are in trouble. Women notice the warning signs far better and faster than men do.
Even if you've only been dating a few weeks, you can sense when he's losing interest in you.
He may be hurting...
In fact, you might be hyper-vigilant - always on alert for something that could threaten your relationship.
We're oblivious to what's happening until it's too late.
In fact, studies have shown that:
Men are consistently more surprised by his wife wanting a divorce (they never saw it coming)
Women file for divorce 80% of the time - men barely 20%...
Guys just don't have a clue when it comes to picking up on the signs of problems in a relationship. And what happens most frequently is that a woman will want a divorce after years of feeling unheard or having her concerns minimized.
But here's the big reason that you might not expect:
Women are actually more likely to get bored with long-term monogamy than men.
Did you see that one coming?
Your best bet is to handle his ignorance before it turns to apathy. And even better if you can do it BEFORE he starts to withdraw or pull away from you.
The reality is that most relationships that go to a marriage counselor are months - if not years - too late. Once a relationship has gone from love to "meh, I don't care" it's doomed.
Don't shy away from asking questions about where he is and what he's feeling. (If you don't know what to say, I cover this in my Passion Phrases program, by the way.)
Find out why he's lost his mojo for your relationship BEFORE you grow too far apart. If you wait too long, you may not ever be able to get the feelings back to love again.
STEP 4: SHHHHHH...!
Another difference in communication patterns I've seen is that women assume that men communicate the way women do.
Guys text all the time...
Guys like to talk to their partner every day...
Guys like to hear every detail of your story when you tell it...
This is going to be another painful moment of truth for some of the ladies in the audience.
Guys don't need communication to bond.
For women, communication is essential to create a feeling of shared space and connection.
What do guys need?
We men only need to be around you for blocks of time to start feeling that sense of connection and bonding that cements them to you.
You might have even experienced this with a guy if you felt like you had an "uncomfortable silence" on one of your dates. He was just being there and seeing if he could relax around you. And I'm guessing you were panicking thinking: "Oh no! What do I say now? I'm losing his interest!"
The best thing you can do is go silent on a guy from time to time. Let HIM wonder what YOU are thinking!
And this silence doesn't have to be in-person with him, either. You can simply not text him or call him for a day or two.
Let's Try An Experiment!
In fact, if you take a moment right now and close your eyes...
Close your eyes and imagine this situation: You want to text him to "Check in" and make sure you still have a connection with him.
After all, you know how uneasy you get when one of your girlfriends hasn't reached out in a couple of days. You start to wonder: "Is she mad at me?"
And the anxiousness begins...
So you think about texting him, and then - consider WHY you want to ping him with that message...
What is driving your desire?
If it's just a genuine impulse to tell him about something, to share something with him - fine! Go right ahead.
But what most women discover is that they're not texting him for that reason at all.
In fact, she texts knowing that her message is really intended to GET A RESPONSE from him.
If he doesn't reply, that would start the wheels turning.
If you sense fear or anxiety pushing you, this is a sign that you are acting from NEED instead of WANT.
I'll tell you what to do about this in just a bit...
STEP 5: FLIP HIS SWITCH...
When push comes to shove, there's one thing that guarantees that a man will think about you all day long. And all night long, too.
It's knowing how to make him obsessed with you.
Turn his "light" on.
In a certain part of the world, there are hot vents with chemicals mixed in the gases. These gases bubble up from deep chambers in the earth.
If you take a stick or branch from a tree and put it in a cave with these hot vents, and you leave the stick there for several weeks, something amazing happens...
The stick becomes coated with a fine jewel-like crust of crystals.
(This is similar to how sugar is "grown" on rock candy sticks for you to buy.)
It takes time for the vapor to condense on the stick and build up a crystal coating. If you just put the stick in there for 5 minutes - and keep pulling it out to check on it, the crystals would never grow. They'd flake off in the air.
You have to be patient, and know that the crystals are forming.
Most of that time is just a slow process of waiting. But the results are guaranteed for those who are patient!
You might have suspected that this is an analogy for men, and you'd be right.
All you have to do is plant the right seed in his thoughts, and he will crystallize his desire for you around it. All by himself!
The more you check in to see if that process is moving along, the more likely you are to ruin the effect of crystallization.
Obsession works JUST LIKE THIS in a man's head. And every man has something called an Obsession Switch in his mind.
If you've ever seen a guy get madly obsessed with a hobby, or a music group, or a sports team...
- Or another woman, you know how illogical and irrational the obsession is.
Remember what I said earlier:
If he's not thinking about you, that space in his thoughts could be filled by another woman.
So it's your responsibility to make sure that he focuses his thoughts on YOU.
The good news is that not many women know how to do this to a man. BUT he will probably run into many women each day who could stir his obsession by accident. She might do just enough to trigger his interest & fascination.
The fix is simple... You gotta know how to make him think about YOU when you're not around!
Then he'll "crystallize" you into his thoughts and his love...
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