How To Tell A Guy You Like Him – Without Pushing Him Away
It’s always a challenge to know how to tell a guy you like him, because you just don’t want to be rejected.
The older we get, the more we feel like we don’t want to waste time, too. It can definitely be tricky if you don’t know how to tell a man you like him. And it’s also likely you don’t want to be obvious about it.
And you don’t want to scare him away, either.
The second you realize you’ve got a biological clock, and you can hear it ticking like a time bomb, you realize that you don’t have forever to start up a relationship. It’s time to get busy!
You don’t want to be in your 90s and still looking for a partner or husband.
Let’s face it – if you don’t know how to tell him you like him, he may be too afraid to get near you. Studies have shown that men now fear talking to women because they think flirting will be considered sexual harassment.
Is there a way you can tell a guy you like him, without pushing him away?
Or without really even telling him at all?
Sure, you can hint to a guy that you like him, but I’m sure you’ve tried this in the past and experienced the disappointment when he doesn’t figure out how you feel. It’s simply a fact that men don’t take hints about this very well. Especially when you think you’re already being obvious with your interest in him.
Carlos Cavallo, Dating and Attraction Adviser
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First of all –
Should You Tell A Guy You Like Him?
I personally do not recommend that ANY woman tell a man exactly how much she likes him. Or even tell him that she likes him at all without knowing THE RIGHT WAY to tell him.
Why do I say this?
Reason #1: The Second You Tell Him You Like Him, He’s Disappointed…
I’m sure he’ll be excited on the outside if you tell him, but he’ll FEEL disappointed on the inside.
You may even notice this happening yourself, when you get something that you secretly wanted for a long time. You get that thing, and then you feel the happiness fade away almost immediately.
And then a new desire pops up to fill its place.
The second our wishes are fulfilled, we instinctively move on to the next challenge or thing that awaits us. It’s human nature.
When you tell a guy you like him, you release all the delightful sexual tension of him NOT knowing. That small question he has of “does she feel the same way?” is what fuels his interest in you.
This doesn’t mean he won’t date you or possibly fall for you after you tell him you like him. But don’t be too surprised if he’s not as enthusiastic after you tell him how you feel.
And ask yourself, “Why do I want to tell him?” This is really important – and I’ll come back to it in a bit…
Reason #2: The Chase Will Die When You Tell Him…
Men don’t chase what they feel they’ve already caught. And that goes doubly so for a woman he wants.
Most of the times a guy disappears on you it’s because he’s lost the drive and excitement to keep pursuing you. Something stole that energy from him, and it’s usually when he feels like you’re not giving him any challenge.
And men need challenge to want to pursue you.
I talk to a lot of women that think that if they even slightly discourage a man or make it a challenge to win her heart that he will simply give up and move on.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
In fact, making things “easy” for him will just make him less interested. It’s the ol’ “hard to get” rule in action.
We all want what we can’t have. This law of human nature does not change.
In fact, if your man doesn’t chase you at the start of your relationship, it’s unlikely you will stay together for very long.
Reason #3: You’ll Seem “Easy” If You Tell Him…
Not “easy” in a sexual sense, although that’s possible too.
If you tell him you like him too soon, he’ll just think you’re desperate.
And you probably know – that will scare him off.
It’s also boring to him. It bores him into changing his status on Facebook and looking at his options. It bores him enough to walk away.
And if you’re completely honest with yourself, you’ll notice this is also true for you. No one wants anything that is too easy to get.
The hottest sports cars have no advertisements of any kind. No brochures. Nothing. Because they know these cars sell themselves just by being hard-to-get.
- So again, ask yourself WHY do you need to tell him you like him?
- What do you expect will happen when you tell him your feelings?
- Will the sudden knowledge flip a switch in his brain that makes him fall for you?
NO… In fact it will probably destroy any feelings he may have had for you.
Most often, I find that women want to tell a man she likes him because she’s spent weeks or months wanting him. Her passionate feelings building up inside like steam in a tea kettle. She’s been going slowly crazy for him – without saying anything or doing anything about it.
That creates a LOT of inner tension and turmoil.
This keeps building up until she can’t take it anymore and loses control.
“Confessing” her feelings would simply relieve this anxiety inside her. At least if she tells him it would be “out there,” she thinks. She wouldn’t have to go through the torture of hiding it anymore.
But what she doesn’t consider is that this is only HER need to confess. He doesn’t have a need to hear her say it.
Just because you’re impatient and frustrated doesn’t mean it’s the best thing to do to get him interested in YOU.
He doesn’t need a confession from you. In fact, that would end your chances right there.
In fact, it’s more likely that telling him (especially when she’s going slightly mad with her ‘secret’) is going to freak him out. Especially if he considers her a “friend.”
Guys go through this same thing, too.
Well, the good news is that you DON’T need to tell him – directly. In fact, I’ll help you breathe a sigh of relief – I’m telling you that TELLING a man you like him is actually going to hurt your chances in the long run.
Forget all the media messages out there that tell you that “modern women” are supposed to be able to do everything men do. You CAN do those things in every way, there’s no doubt about it.
But should you tell a guy you like him?
The entire delicious cat & mouse game of dating is built on WHAT YOU DON’T KNOW. Especially when it comes to feelings.
SPOILER ALERT: You hate spoilers!
Would you ever watch a mystery movie where you know “whodunnit”? Probably not. There’s no fun in that.
That’s why we hate it when people spoil movies for us by telling us the ending. We NEED the mystery of not knowing to enjoy the movie.
My wife and I finished off “Game of Thrones” a few weeks after everyone else did. And I had to be very careful which web sites I visited because of all the people posting memes and spoilers for the end of the show.
So realize that part of YOUR power as a woman comes from one piece of information he does NOT possess: The knowledge of how you feel about him.
And you will want to know how to tell a guy you like him without actually telling him…
So let’s get started with the first tip –
TIP #1: No matter what you think, he’s clueless…
I mentioned before that it can be hard for a guy to catch your “hints.” You might think you’re being obvious with your flirting, and you’re wondering what else you could do to tell him you like him.
So one thing to consider is that guys are much more clueless about social cues than women are. This comes from how men are socialized and how they interact as boys.
You see, boys rarely ever “hint” at each other. And as they grow up, they sometimes learn how to spare each others feelings, but they mostly just say what they mean.
This is why a man’s words of “honesty” often feel too harsh to you. It’s not that he’s trying to be nasty and hurt your feelings – it’s just that he’s learned to be direct, and you’ve learned to be REALLY indirect.
Women are taught (socially) that directness is often abrasive and unwelcome. I can literally count on one hand the number of women I’ve known that could “speak their mind” comfortably. Or who were even willing to speak up.
So realize that you are likely being far more indirect than you think. And when you combine that with his cluelessness, it’s a recipe for misunderstanding – AND disaster.
If you are trying to hint to him and get him to realize you like him so that he’ll ask you out, remember that he’s not always going to see what you’re doing. In fact, he’ll probably be oblivious.
Which means you may have to be a little more direct with him than you’re comfortable with.
You never need to say “I like you, let’s go on a date!” But you do have to be willing to be clear with him. “I bet we have a lot in common. We should hang out sometime…” is a perfectly acceptable way of floating your interest in a demure, lady-like manner.
TIP #2: If You Don’t Know Him Well, DON’T…
Obviously if you don’t know him very well, you don’t want to tell him you like him right off the bat.
Take your time to build up some intrigue with him before you even think about how to tell him you like him. Show off your sexiest wardrobe the first few times you’re around him.
And if you only have one night to make an impression on him, well then make sure you get your phone number to him somehow so you don’t lose the chance.
You also want to start conversations more with him – and everyone you meet. Talking is the universal connecting zone – and starting point – of all romances.
Start talking to women wherever you go, especially if talking to men makes you nervous. Get the hang of just being comfortable connecting with people in general.
You see, the more conversations you have, the more people you will meet. And that means that the universe will reward that energy by sending more people into your life.
This is even MORE important if you consider yourself an introvert or “shy.”
We tend to stay behind a wall of fear when it comes to social interactions. We’re more likely to interact from behind the sterile light of our smartphone screens than we are to go to a social gathering like a party.
I see women every day that are crying out for help from their Facebook posts and stories. They post memes and clever sayings, and I can hear them wanting more connection and real feeling.
The only cure for the distance you feel from the man you want is to stop pulling away from him yourself. And get a little closer to him in any way you possibly can.
Which brings me to –
TIP #3: Learn How To Flirt…
This one is kind of a no-brainer. The women who are most successful with men know how to flirt with guys in a way that tells him (without telling him) that she likes him. She never has to say it to him – he’ll just “get it.”
I’m not going into detail about it here because I’m going to talk about it in a future article, but the best way to let a man know you like him is to know how to flirt with him.
A lot of women fear putting their interest out there and flirting with guys because she doesn’t want to look “easy” or “slutty.”
Of course she’d never say it like that. But if you drill down into her reasons why, she’ll eventually tell you that she’s afraid of how other people would see her.
And that they would “see her” like a woman that isn’t “acceptable” to others.
Meaning: She doesn’t want to stand out in any way.
Flirting is the art of inspiring a man to see your beauty through playful conversation.
Never underestimate the power of flirting with a guy, because it can actually increase your desirability if you do it right.
- Playful banter…
- Reading body language…
- SHOWING him the right body language…
- Timing – knowing when to be coy and when to be a little shocking…
Most women are intimidated and scared of flirting. Mostly because they want to protect their image and not feel foolish by taking action and messing up their chances.
But the real risk is NOT flirting with him.
Guys interpret your flirting to figure out so many things about you, like your personality, your “coolness,” and your prospects for being his steady girlfriend – or wife.
And yes, he figures out how much you’re into him by how you flirt as well. Which tells him if he should ask YOU out.
Friends, like it or not, you’re not going to be happy if you have to ask a guy out. Or if you have to risk telling him you like him to see if he shows any interest back.
The best way is to know how to flirt with him in a way that MAKES him like you back.
TIP #4: How To Tell Him You Like Him Through Text
If there’s one way I’d say you could get away with telling him, it’s using texts.
EDITOR’S NOTE: You can learn more about how to do this in person or in texts here: The Passion Phrases
Texting is one of the easiest ways to communicate with a low risk of social embarrassment.
Do you want to confess your feelings for him in text? No.
But you can use texting to tell him you like him by being flirty.
SEE SOME OF MY FLIRTY TEXTS HERE…
The secret to using text messages to attract men is being indirect – as well as direct. This is also where your timing – knowing when to text – is going to make a big difference.
Again, you never need to TELL him how you feel. He should FEEL how you feel about him. That’s ten times more effective at opening his heart and changing how he feels about you.
TIP #5: Know How To Talk To Men…
Look – it’s hard to be vulnerable. I had vulnerability problems in my childhood to early-adult years. All created from a torturous relationship with my parents.
And there are literally BILLIONS of people out there with similar problems. We live in a time of more and more disconnection from each other. We may be chatting and sharing online, but it’s not filling up our hearts with the kind of real human connection we need.
If you’ve been thinking of revealing your feelings for a guy, you should stop and pause for a second. You’re not stopping to protect yourself or because you’re afraid of being vulnerable.
You stopping to ask yourself this one question:
“What do I want to have with this guy? What kind of future do I want with him?”
If it’s an emotional connection – where you know how to tell a guy friend you like him – or even tell him you love him, or any other deep feelings – there’s something you must know how to do…
You have to know how to talk to men.
It’s the essential skill a woman needs to relate to men.
No matter what you may think you know about talking with guys, most women simply talk to men assuming they know what to say and how to say it. Or – if they don’t know – they just wing it.
Neither guessing nor winging it is likely to work as well as you think it will.
NEWS FLASH: Men don’t talk about their feelings with women.
You may have already discovered this about guys.
Which means that when he does talk, you have to know how to understand what he’s REALLY saying to you.
And not only that, you gotta know what to say back to him!
- Do you know what words men respond to?
- Do you know what words you may be using that push men away?
It’s not your fault if you don’t know – less than one in twenty women learn how men communicate and connect. Even fewer women know how to get men infatuated with her.
You can win the game of love by knowing how men think – and how to communicate and CONNECT with men using simple words…
If you’re guessing at what he wants you to say, you’re probably going to say the wrong thing!
The trick is to know which words and phrases make a man feel that special passion for you.
Make yourself the obsession that he cannot shake…
YOU can be the “viral” video playing in his head all day long… Awaken obsessive thoughts that he can’t get rid of…
You have to stick in his mind like an 80s pop song that he can’t stop humming…
And even if he tries NOT to – he will constantly see your face and think about you…