Why Is He Trying To Make Me Jealous? - The Secret Psychology
By: Carlos Cavallo
Some women believe that men try to push their buttons. The truth however, it's exactly the opposite. If you're wondering “Why is he trying to make me jealous?” - then this article should help you understand him better.
And I will also explain what to do if he is trying to make you jealous.
Does he know your triggers?
Jealousy is a complex emotion that encompasses feelings ranging from suspicion to rage to fear - and even humiliation. Jealousy is most typically aroused when a person perceives a threat to a valued relationship from a third party.
And the threat may be real or imagined.
Jealousy is very strongly related to Envy.
Jealousy is one of the most POWERFUL of emotions. It comes from fear, a deep fear that connects to:
the fear of being alone
the fear of being replaced
the fear of being rejected...
Jealousy is like jet fuel for starting the fires of passion. It may not be healthy, but it sure does get things hot and heavy.
One of the most important things to remember is:
“If you have a man who is intentionally threatening the security of your relationship with jealousy on a regular basis, you must dump him fast.” - Carlos Cavallo
Absolutely, definitely, with haste. You cannot allow a man like this to create that kind of emotional turmoil.
Over a long enough period of time, this behavior will undermine your happiness and self-esteem. It will erode your self-worth. And you can even develop possible life-threatening illness.
I have known at least two people that have died from emotional and physical complications from this kind of unhealthy relationship. So please believe me when I tell you to be on your guard if you think he's doing this on purpose and on a regular basis.
A healthy relationship must be built on a foundation of consistent, healthy, stable love.
The fact is, if you suspect he's trying to make you jealous, and you do feel jealous, then yes he is trying to make you jealous on purpose.
Now let's get right into the reasons why he is trying to make you jealous...
Reason # 1: He’s Testing You
What is “testing”? It’s when we push someone’s buttons to see if they’re putting on an act.
It’s a tool for the chooser to evaluate the pursuer in romantic courtship.
And before we get started here, let's get one thing out of the way:
You test men in your relationships.
You know you do. All women do. Because you need to know if a guy is faking his confidence or is he for real!
In the words of an anonymous woman:
“Women test men when we don’t know who you really are or when your words and actions have been incongruent — when they don’t line up and something seems fishy or ‘off’ about you.”
And right you are for testing him!
Because you know that no matter what he says to you, his actions always speak the truth.
We test people in our relationships because it's instinctual. It's not a game, it's simply the way to get to the very vital truth: “Is he sincere? Or is he unreliable?”
This came from a time when we had to know we could rely on the people in our “tribe.” Back in the early days, the caveman days, your survival depended on your mate.
Sure, these days you can just get divorced, but back then it was possibly the worst situation imaginable. Alone without protection and a provider? It could even be fatal.
The truth is that most men don't test women on purpose.
(If you haven’t seen it, you should definitely read my article on why men test women here…)
But sometimes he will test you by trying to stir up your jealousy. He's doing this because he wants to figure out how he should think about you.
Cool friend to hang out with...?
Ultimately he wants to know how you handle your emotions. Because jealousy is one of the strongest emotions, and one that women fall victim to very easily. And jealousy will bring out your true colors when you experience it!
If you're insecure, you will probably act out when he tests you by making you jealous.
This might be as small as the silent treatment or as big as a huge shouting match in the middle of a crowded restaurant.
And every woman has had her share of embarrassing outbursts that she wishes she could take back.
Hey, guys do too! We just forget about them faster.
So what do you do if you think he's testing you?
The first most important thing is to always stay in control. If you let jealousy push you into insecure or needy behavior, you will freak him out and he will probably disappear.
If a guy is using jealousy to manipulate you, you should have some question about his maturity.
Sometimes we use jealousy in relationships to prove that we still have some hold over our partner. That they still care about us and the connection is still there. That's essentially what's going on with jealousy.
Don't get caught up in being emotionally reactive to a man who is using Jealousy on you like this. We'll come back to this again in a bit.
Reason # 2: He’s an immature game-player…
I happen to know for a fact that most women think this is what most guys are doing when we act in ways that confuse you. However, the truth is that most guys don't have the social strategy to pull off that kind of game playing.
Men are not as sharp as women when it comes to this kind of social gameplay. Men prefer peace and quiet to drama and emotionality. *(I'm guessing you’ve probably experienced this yourself by now.)
I've seen other articles and experts who claimed that men get bored and like to stir things up by creating jealous drama. This is completely wrong. Men don't do this.
In fact, teenage boys don't even do this.
If a man is using jealousy for game playing, you'll know it right off the bat. Your radar will tell you immediately.
And you should get rid of this kind of guy immediately.
Reason # 3: He wants to know he's still got IT…
Sure, men can fall victim to insecurity. It happens all the time for both genders.
He wants to know that he is valuable. He's a good relationship “catch.” And one way to show this is of course to prove his virility by attracting another woman.
Let's be real here:
Men are always going to have the desire to be desired by many women.
(This doesn't mean that he's going to cheat on you with every one of these women.)
Women on the other hand can simply enjoy the desire of one man. Provided that desire is sincere.
So sometimes a guy will create some jealousy unintentionally in the process of proving to himself that he's still got the goods when it comes to attracting women.
No one wants to ever believe that they are undesirable to others romantically...
The easy way to short-circuit this is simply for YOU to give him the attention he wants from another woman.
Do it convincingly and enthusiastically and I guarantee he will shift his attention right back to you.
Reason # 4: He’s a narcissist and a player…
Some guys are just out to validate their egos and their sense of self. He may not even be aware that he's making you jealous on some level. He just wants the validation.
Guys who are only looking for good fun in the bedroom can also fit into this category. No matter what you may want to think about him, as long as he doesn't misrepresent himself as wanting a relationship, he can do what he wants.
Remember, don't blame the guy that told you up front that he didn't want a relationship. Instead, listen to what he says, and watch what he does.
Again, this diagnosis of narcissism is not that common. No matter how much you read about it in magazines and on news sites, narcissism is relatively rare.
Insecurities, on the other hand, is everywhere you look.
Reason # 5: He’s clueless…
There are a lot of guys out there who simply don't recognize the emotional impact of their actions. A guy might talk to a girl for a while and be genuinely enjoying her company. He might not even desire her.
But over there in the corner stands his girlfriend. Furious with him for abandoning her and paying all that attention to another woman.
From his point of view, he just wanted to talk. He may even have wondered why his girlfriend didn't come join him in the conversation. He also doesn't even see it as being “disrespectful.”
His cluelessness is simply that. A guy who doesn't have very good emotional intelligence.
You can usually tell if a guy has malicious intentions when it comes to this sort of thing. If he seems genuinely bewildered by your reaction to the whole thing, he probably doesn't understand. He's just clueless.
In which case all you have to do is explain it to him.
Most of the time, guys don't actually try to make you jealous. It's simply an act of complete simple-mindedness.
Reason # 6: He’s trying to end it…
Frequently we don't want to say the most direct thing. Sometimes we want to break up, but we guys don't know how to say it.
If you're dating this guy and you've been with him a while, and he's pulling these jealousy tactics on you, he might want out of your relationship.
Men very often don't want to face the music when it comes to breaking up with a woman. If he's been with you for a while and it would be too weird for him to ghost you or disappear, he may have to come up with another way.
Sometimes that's through starting an argument with you that he can use as an excuse to end the relationship.
Even better, it starts out with you being the one who has to come to him with the issue. That makes him look delightfully innocent - in a weird way.
Then, through the course of the conversation, while you justify the weirdness that you're experiencing, he gets to make you the villain. And uses this opportunity to argue and to tell you: “I don't think we should see each other anymore.”
You'll probably witness him using jealousy to trigger the "end game" when you're with a very immature guy.
And the truth is that many women use this exact same ploy to get out of a relationship as well.
Reason # 7: He’s trying to get a reaction from you…
The most common situation where a guy tries to make you jealous is when he wants to see if you have feelings for him.
A perfect example of this would be a guy who is friends with you, you've never dated him, and you start seeing someone else. You may not have realized he was interested in you, because he never said anything.
He gets to you...
And to be perfectly honest, he's being kind of a wuss. He should have asked you out at some point before. But he may not have wanted to ruin the friendship.
So here you are dating your guy, and now your friend is suddenly seeing a new woman himself.
He might start to talk about his relationship with her in graphic detail...
You might get the impression that this woman doesn't even exist - he's made her up
He might flaunt her in front of you to try and get a reaction out of you
He might drop hints about same someone - or sleeping with someone
He might even ask you to meet her (talk about awkward)
He drops too much information on you during a conversation. He's explicit and uncensored…
He asks you for an opinion that suddenly makes you jealous - and makes you ask, Why did you ask me that?
He's very obvious in faking his own happiness
What are you supposed to do?
Well, this leads us into the next section - which are:
Steps For Handling A Guy Who Is Trying To Make You Jealous
STEP 1: DON’T REACT!
The best thing you can do is not get jealous.
In fact, for every single reason I've given you here, the best reaction is to not give him a reaction.
Because if he gets a reaction, you're reinforcing his behavior. You may have heard this when it comes to raising your kids - and it's equally true training your man.
And no, I'm not comparing men to children - even if they can act that way sometimes. But the principle holds true.
If you give him the reaction he's hoping for, he'll keep trying to make you jealous.
You'll also know he's trying to get a reaction from you when he gets angry because you won't get jealous. If his scheme isn't working, he'll get pissed.
And you'll also notice that he's paying close attention to your reaction. If it didn't matter to him, he just go on his way and do his own thing.
Remember what I said earlier: Jealousy is the most potent form of love emotion.
If you can get someone to feel jealous, you can emotionally manipulate them. or at the very least, get them to react in ways that suit you.
STEP 2: KNOW HOW YOU FEEL
Whatever the case may be, make sure you understand your feelings for him first.
If you don't like him, and you don't feel attracted to him, then you shouldn't feel jealous. You'll probably just feel a little weird and creeped out by his behavior.
On the other hand, if you find yourself suddenly responding to his scarcity, check in with yourself and see if you have the history of chasing men you can't have.
Maybe you actually like this guy. Maybe he was even justified in making you feel jealous to recognize it.
Just make sure you know how you feel first! This way you won't let your feelings (especially the reactive ones) push you into a situation you don't want.
STEP 3: LAY YOUR CARDS OUT
The one guaranteed way to keep this situation as uncomfortable as it possibly can be is to not face it.
Show him your hand...
There comes a point when you must sit down with him and talk to him about what he's doing. Yes, you may have to confront his behavior and point it out to him. Otherwise you run the risk of him trying these silly little games all the time until he gets an emotional response.
Again, if you really do like him, then you should stop him before he makes a mistake with his unsophisticated attempts to get you emotional about him.
Simply explain what you're seeing. Tell him how you feel as gently as you can, whether you are interested in him or not. But you have to tell him how his behavior will work against his goal of winning your heart.
There are a bunch of reasons why he's trying to make you feel jealous. None of them mean that you SHOULD feel jealous.
Ultimately, he's doing this because he still feels an emotional connection to you, and that means there may be a chance to reclaim the lost love.
How do you get him back?
One way to do it is to know the "bounce back" Passion Phrase. This one phrase can help put you back in his arms again - IF you know it.
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