When it comes to texting a guy, you need to know what texts you should never send a guy more than anything else. Mistakes in texting will earn you silence - sometimes making him ghost you.
Guys interpret what you text him. And if we see any red flags, we get more cautious, more silent, and less interested.
I'm going to show you almost ALL of the red flags guys see in texting.
Before I get started, though, I realize that seeing a bunch of "don't do this" tips is going to eventually make you feel like you can't do ANYTHING right when it comes to winning his heart.
Don't look at this as being a huge rant about "you're doing it all wrong!" It's really a list of things that you might have been unaware you were flubbing for a while.
Watch out if you find yourself saying:
"Why do I have to do all the work? Why doesn't HE have to fix anything?"
In fact, if you find yourself extremely sensitive to messages that make you feel as if you're making all the mistakes, that's a sign you should probably stop and apply some self-care.
Now, let's go through the 25 texts you should never send a guy.
Let's do this countdown style:
#25 Don't Text: Naked pics, or sexy body part images
These days you just don't want to show up on some website somewhere. If your relationship doesn't go the way you hope, you don't want this guy having these kinds of pictures of you.
No matter how much you think you may trust him right now, I'm sure you have relationships that have felt similar in the past. And they may not have gone so well.
A lot of guys will try to get you to send this kind of picture to him. It's a bit of a test. He probably does want to see you naked - obviously, but it doesn't mean you need to oblige him. In fact it's the wrong thing to do.
Save the intimacy for the bedroom. Save it for the right time.
And give him something to look forward to. A huge part of pulling a man into loving you is knowing what to hold back at the start. These days, women are giving up way too much too soon to men.
#24 Don't Text: Anything boring or day to day ordinary
You may want to text him the same kind of stuff do you send to your girlfriends.
But don't do it. I guarantee you it's going to bore him and it's going to make him less responsive.
Guys don't text like that.
It's tempting to let him in on the nitty-gritty details of your life. But quite honestly this isn't very interesting to him.
Save it for when you feel you have something interesting to share, or possibly if you need his emotional support. You don't want to turn texting into your everyday conversation.
#23 Don't Text: Multiplicity
One habit that's easy to fall into when you're texting is sending a text message with multiple characters or multiple emojis.
The best advice I can give you is DON'T do this. It looks kind of high school-ish, and it diminishes how he sees you.
Simply spell words correctly, and intelligently.
#22 Don't Text: Short texts that are hard to read
EXAMPLE: “Hey you”
This one is obviously a bid for attention. If you want to start a conversation, start with a question. Engage him with something.
You know you hate it when guys send you this one letter, so don't send it back. Send a full “OK” - or nothing at all.
EXAMPLE: “I guess”
I think we both know what's going on with this particular text. You want to say you disagree, but you know it's easier to go with the flow.
Or at least you're afraid to go against the flow.
Again, this is very ambiguous to a guy, and he won't understand it. More than likely you'll just start an argument.
This is called the “passive aggressive” text. Mostly because it feels like you’re not telling us what you really want, and then expecting us to fish it out of you.
Definitely not inspiring to a man.
#21 Don’t Text: Drunk or under the influence!
If you've ever gotten a text from a man who is drunk, you know what I'm talking about here. We always seem to be more embarrassing than endearing when it comes to Drunk Texting.
If you know you're going to be out with the girls and having a few glasses of wine, it's probably best that you turn off your phone anyways. You don't want to be tempted to send something in a moment of weakness.
You might think you're being cute, but the next morning when you look at what you did send, you'll probably be appalled.
Save yourself that embarrassment.
#20 Don’t Text: No arguments
I figure this one also should be obvious, but I know enough people that have gotten pulled into it. So I have to warn you.
Don't get into an argument in text.
Even as I'm typing these words, I know that there are millions of people right now getting into a text message argument.
It's hard enough to talk to a guy in person, so if you text him. You can be sure that there's no way he's going to understand the argument through text. In fact texting will just make things ten times worse.
Mostly because you won't have any way to connect emotionally. You'll both just get caught up in trying to be right.
And this will probably spell D-O-O-M for your relationship.
#19 Don’t Text: “I Love You”
Now before you call up Google to get me taken off the internet, hear me out.
I'm not saying you can't share some feelings with him. But you should always leave this most important communication for voice only. Even better is if you only say it when you're in person.
After years of coaching people, what I find is that a lot of people say I love you not to express love, but to hear reassurance from the other person.
And yes, this is frequently coming from a woman.
Guys know this. And it will probably irritate him a little bit. Mostly because he knows that it's a setup.
If he hesitates at all, he feels that you will immediately pounce. And then there will be an argument. And then... no sex.
Trust me, from a man's point of view this always feels a little bit disingenuous to push "I love you"s in where it's not very heartfelt.
The best way to express that you love him is to be able to say it in a way such that you cannot expect a reply from him. Almost like it's an afterthought.
EXAMPLE: “Going to sleep - shutting off my phone - Love you - Good night.”
Right there he knows that he's off the hook. And even better, you're saying it in a way that lets him off the hook lets him know that you're confident. And this will be hugely attractive to him.
Oh, and if you want to send him the very first "I love you" of your relationship in a text, don't. That's a huge disappointment to a guy.
Not to mention, you as the woman should not be the one professing your love first.
It's one of the worst moves in a relationship.
#18 Don’t Text: No Breakups!
Never ever break up with him in a text.
It's rude and it's lame.
Yes, I realize mostly men do this, but women are catching up pretty darn quick.
Only break up in person.
I really feel we need to get back to a standard of civility and respect for each other. Texting a breakup is the chicken way out.
#17 Don’t Text: The Checkup
Don’t send a text where you check up on him. Maybe you ask him what he's doing, where he is ... you know the drill.
Don't send texts to a guy that are comprised mostly of emojis.
Unless of course you create a text with Emojis doing something creative and new. Like telling a story.
Guys don't use emojis in text the way women do. And if you happen to have a man that does, you should seriously take a look at his masculinity. (I wish I were joking about this but I'm not.)
In this day and age if a man is over the age of 25 and still sending emoji texts to you, you're going to probably find him very unsatisfying very quickly.
Most guys really want clear communication from you. Men find it very difficult to understand women's multi-layered communications as it is.
So help him out. Tell him what you really mean, don't hide it in weak or uncertain communications. Emojis tend to be a smoke screen.
Use one here and there for emphasis, but mostly leave them out of your texts to guys.
#15 Don’t Text: "The Repeater"
This is a text you're very familiar with.
Here's how it goes:
You send him a text
He doesn't respond for a little while
You get irritated and start to feel anxious (Where is he? Why isn't he responding? You can see that he's online!)
You send a follow-up text asking the same thing again. Usually with “Are you getting my texts? Just checking”
This may be difficult to hear but 999 out of 1000 texts you sent him get through. Men know that texting is really reliable. You know it, too.
So don't look insecure or needy by sending the same text more than once. If he missed it, he'll catch it later.
And if he decides not to respond to it, that's a whole different question you want to ask him in person. Not in a text.
Another example: “You there?” as a followup because he still hasn't responded.
This feels very naggy to a guy.
Of course we’re there. Give him time to respond.
And if he doesn’t respond, hearing this from you is going to push him in a direction you don’t want him to go. If a man isn't responding to your texts, you need to call him out on that behavior, not pester him.
Or just regain your dignity and drop him - quick.
#14 Don’t Text: “We need to talk”
This four word phrase is one of the most aggravating to a man. Mostly because it sets us up to be nervous. It feels like the principal is calling us to the office.
We don't need any lead in to a big heavy conversation. We guys just need you to start the conversation in a gentle way. Don't trigger our dread.
All you need to do is wait until you see him and then start your talk. There's no need to preface it with a "foreshadowing text." There's no need to announce it ahead of time.
(This feels like a form of the “passive aggressive” text, by the way.)
#13 Don’t Text: “My period is late”
If this is true, and it's something you guys were planning for, don't diminish the joy of it by sending it in a text message. You want to share this in person.
And if this is something you weren't planning for, it's absolutely the worst thing to announce in a text.
Wait till you're together, and then explain it.
#12 Don’t Text: No guilt trips - EVER
Let me give you a quick example of what a guy considers a guilt trip:
EXAMPLE: “Where were you?” or "What were you doing?" or "Why didn't you call me?"
You know, any text that sounds like you're whining to him.
Look - If the guy isn't treating you right, GET RID OF HIM! Don't turn into a shrew thinking that all he needs is the right amount of guilt tripping or emotional manipulation to become the man of your dreams.
If you have to do this stuff to get him to respond to you, you don't have his respect or his interest. Just move on.
#11 Don’t Text: “Whatcha doing?” (late at night)
Even if you don't mean it this way, it feels like you're checking up on him. It's as if you are sitting at home and he's not around, and then wondering if he's out on a date.
Yeah, guys can see this. Again it comes across as if you're checking up. Or that you don't trust him.
You also don't want to ask him what he was up to the previous night. Instead, have a conversation with him where it leads to him naturally telling you what he's been doing this week. Let him tell you more on his own.
And of course if he seems to be hiding what he's doing the rest of the nights of the week, it sounds like you have a guy who doesn't feel committed to your relationship. THAT is the problem to address.
And of course this means that more texting won't fix it. More conversation might.
#10 Don’t Text: Machine gun texts
Machine gun texts are when you send a string of text messages in a row. Sometimes they have only a couple of words in them.
Try to think out your message beforehand. Make your message as clear as you can - and as concise as possible.
You'd be surprised - men aren't nearly as patient as you might think about the text messages you send. You don't see his expression when he gets a string of these machine gun texts in a row. It's very frustrating. (Lots of eye-rolling.)
I know, I know. You’re just trying to be spontaneous. You can do that every so often, just not all the time.
CARLOS' RULE: Send ONE and you're done...
#9 Don’t Text: Don't send him complete narratives
Another common complaint that men have is when his girlfriend sends him a 5-page text completely detailing every single word that was said in a conversation.
Of course I'm exaggerating slightly, but not as much as you might think.
These are sometimes called “Grandma texts.” You know when you've gotten one from an older relative. Or maybe even your parents.
Be very careful about over-texting. It's probably the largest mistake that women make when they text.
If you send him too much at one time, you risk him tuning you out. It will seem a little bit clingy, and definitely like too much information.
There's a famous saying that goes: “I apologize for the length of this letter, I didn't have any time. If I had more time, it would have been much shorter.”
Help him to figure out what is important by only texting the parts that are important.
#8 Don’t Text: Don't send him a text when you feel like you need validation
These take many different shapes and forms. all of them feel like you are just asking us to validate you in some way or another.
There's nothing wrong with needing validation. However, putting vague messages in texts to "inspire" him will feel a little bit manipulative.
If you're feeling a little down, it's okay to let him know.
And also letting him know how he can help you. This is a critical part that is left out by many women.
Men are pretty thick when it comes to this sort of thing. We need you to explain to us what it is you really want from us. And we will be glad to give it to you.
#7 Don’t Text: Any text where you want clarification of your relationship status
These can take many different forms:
“What are we?”
“Do you want a relationship?”
“Are we exclusive?”
Even if you are genuinely curious and want to know, texting is not the place to ask the question. These very heavy conversations need to be handled in person.
You want to be able to see his face, see his expressions, see him fidget, so you can know where you really stand with him.
Because if you push him on a text message, don't be surprised if he just drops it right then and there and stops responding.
It's easy for a guy to let go of an aggressive texter; it's hard to let go of a woman he loves.
#6 Don’t Text: Any tragedies or bad things that just happened to you
Again, a man wants you to connect with him. Texting does not feel connecting to a man.
If you have something bad happen to you, we want to be the first ones to help you out. We want a soothe you and baby you and make you feel better.
But sending it in a text can feel like you're just needlessly passing along bad news.
Reach out and connect with him. He would love to talk you through any difficult time. Just leave it out of text.
#5 Don’t Text: Don't ever text him when you're feeling a little bit crazy or PMS-y
Again, guys hate drama. You also want to appear very stable to him whenever possible.
Yeah, cuz guys hate crazy chicks.
So if you know you're a little bit unbalanced at the moment, don't communicate with him. Get yourself settled and then you can reach out again.
This is where it helps to have a girlfriend or family member who can "talk you down from the ledge."
Or if you have a good way to ask him to help you get grounded, let him know that's what you need.
You definitely don't want to lose your temper via text. This goes right along with what I said about never arguing in text.
Always stay positive. Because if you start to slip into negativity in your text, he will start avoiding you. And he will delay his responses.
And you know where this path goes.
It sets up a dynamic where he will just keep pushing you away until he leaves.
Keep everything on a positive cycle of reinforcement. If you have negative things to talk about, do those in person so that you can talk them through and clear the air.
#3 Don’t Text: Multiple questions in a row
Guys don't like to be interrogated. And when we're hit with a bunch of questions, we will just shut down. We will give you half of an answer to one of them and then ignore the rest.
If you want to ask a bunch of questions, the best place for this is a conversation. Where you are talking to each other, NOT through a text bubble.
If you're geographically distant, you can ask multiple questions. But you have to ask them at a very slow pace. One at a time.
#2 Don't Text: Don't text anything with a lot of emotion in it
This probably should be my number one. It's one of the most common problems I see in relationships. It's also one of the most common problems I have to fix when I'm coaching a woman.
Typically what happens is she got into the bad habit of sending every single thought that came across her mind to her man in a text.
When you start texting and expecting him to understand your emotional state, you're going to be disappointed every single time.
Text, as well as emails and any other form of electronic communication, do not carry tone. Your emotional intention will be lost.
If you’re arguing - DO NOT TEXT HIM!
If it's a topic that is important to you, and you want to be sure you understand him - DO NOT TEXT HIM!
And if you ever find yourself texting to soothe your anxiety, that's the biggest signal that you need to stop and wait until you feel calmer and more collected.
#1 Don't Text: “Why haven’t you texted me back?”
This one probably should be obvious. But when you're caught up in the desperation and panic of a guy who is not returning your texts, just when you thought you had a good man you are interested in, you'll find your brain gets totally hijacked. And you will make this mistake.
Let's review a little bit about what just happened:
You guys were texting back and forth
For whatever reason he was unable to respond to you - or decided not to respond to you - maybe he felt like he didn't NEED to respond
You panicked when you didn't get a response from him. Maybe you thought he was seeing some other girl, maybe your insecurities got the better of you, whatever.
In his mind he probably feels like he didn't need to respond to you in the first place. Which means you're feeling a bit pushy to get him to do what you want him to do. Whether or not this is true is really irrelevant.
And then you text him: "Where are you? Why haven't you texted me back?" (He hears NAG)
In the end it will just feel way off to him.
What would a woman who is in high demand do?
This is your model for behavior when it comes to any interaction with a guy. There's a reason certain women get success and other women don't. The best thing you can do is to study the women who are in demand by men.
I'll tell you right now that it's not her looks or her body that make the difference here. It's all about her attitude.
And no woman who is in high demand sits around waiting for a man to text her back. Or badgers him to text her back.
She simply gets on with her busy lifestyle and probably forgets that she even had this guy out there. She wouldn't even notice if he disappeared. Because she's got so many other possible on the hook.
I would even guess that you probably made this mistake already quite a few times. Maybe you didn't know it was a mistake.
Let me explain how this looks from a man's point of view:
When a guy sees this text, the first thing he thinks is “DESPERATE!”
This feels like unreasonable pressure for him to meet your expectations. And it's the biggest turn off to a guy you can possibly imagine.
Even if you're right, that he should have responded to your text, it will have the complete opposite effect on him. It's unlikely he will ever reply or respond to you again. And if he does, he's already felt a switch flipped in his head that says you are no longer girlfriend material.
It's very likely he will change the nature of your relationship to “friends with benefits.”
I know this may sound harsh, but it's so important for you to understand.
This attitude of the woman who is in high demand is your best resource when it comes to learning how to date men and get the results you want.
If you have an established and secure relationship, then much of these texts are fine. But the fact is that you wouldn't be here if there wasn't some curiosity and probably not such a secure relationship.
As with all of these texts that I'm sharing with you, you may notice a common theme.
Don't use texts because you either lack the communication skills or you're trying to avoid a confrontation with him.
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