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Relationship Tips & Advice
If you have sensed a change in your man's behavior recently, you may want to know the signs he is cheating. That thought always pops into our head, and we can't ignore it.
Any woman in a long-term relationship is watching for the red flags that tell her that her boyfriend or husband might be stepping out on her. The signs of infidelity might be there, and you have to be able to know for sure if they're telling you something.
Cheating is often considered the ultimate betrayal. After all, you invested your heart and soul into your relationship with him, and the thought of your partner cheating is more than you can handle.
Well, the cure for this situation is often in knowing how to spot the signs early enough that you can repair your relationship if you need to.
Let's put aside the blame - and deciding who is right or wrong - until later. I plan to share 30 of the signs you need to watch out for so that you feel emotionally secure with your man.
I have yet to understand why guys don't figure out that being flirty on social media is pretty obvious. And if you're in a relationship, it's just plain dumb.
One of the top ways that people discover their partner is being unfaithful is through social media. Everyone seems to want to believe that what happens online is private, but nothing could be further from the truth.
Here are some "cheating" behaviors on social media:
The list could go on and on.
If you detect strange behavior from your man on social media, check into it right away. You'll probably get a suspicious feeling in your tummy when you see certain posts or communications - or even people he's tagging in pictures that you don't know about.
Sure, he might be on Facebook, or Instagram, or some other social media channel. We're all addicted to our phones these days, right?
(Well, not ALL of us.)
But when you start seeing him on his phone much more than before, you need to know why this is.
You may have to find a time to check his phone when he's not around. Don't feel guilt - feel empowered to make sure you're not being made a fool of!
Of course you don't want to make it a habit to assume he's cheating and then use that to justify snooping. But if you see other signals, you better check.
This one goes hand-in-hand with #2. When he's not only using his phone more, but he's also using it at weird times of day or night, it's time for you to look closer.
Watch for texts in the evening that he handles in other rooms of the house. Or quick phone calls he makes while in the bathroom.
Definitely out of the norm!
Sometimes this can be as simple as him doing his usual habits at different times. Like he changes his "bowling with his buddies" night to another day of the week unexpectedly.
Other times it might be him just going in to work earlier, or coming home later.
You'll detect there's just something wrong with the pattern you're seeing.
Another sign he is cheating is when there is a lot of secrecy about how the money is being spent. Especially as it relates to the credit card bills. After all, if there are gifts he's buying her, or hotel rooms being reserved, it usually ends up on a bill somehow.
If you're sharing bank accounts, or even credit, you need to keep an eye on this behavior. Not only could he be seeing another woman, he could also be overspending and hurting your credit rating. And that can take years to recover from, not counting the emotional hurt from the cheating.
Someone I know had their house sold out from under them and didn't find out it was on the market until someone came to do the appraisal.
Very frequently a guy will pick a fight with you so that he can emotionally distance himself from your relationship. This makes him feel less guilty about what he's doing.
When he does this, he's driving you away and making it easier for him to justify his seeking comfort and connection outside the relationship. Most people have played the game of picking a fight to create a reason to end a relationship, too.
If he becomes more argumentative and difficult to deal with, you should watch for some of the other signals mentioned here as well.
Again, guilt makes us do some crazy things when we feel backed into a corner. Men are no different than women on this one.
We often go overboard to proclaim our innocence when we feel we're in the wrong.
If you throw an accusation at him that something seems wrong in your relationship, and then he goes into overdrive defending himself, it should seem odd.
After all, if he wasn't up to something, he'd just look at you like you were a bit unreasonable and be concerned about YOU instead of trying to defend himself so strongly.
Instead, he goes into a long speech about how wrong you are, and it seems like he's going too far to press the point.
Very often - and especially if the romance is in the workplace - a man will find an excuse for more business trips. You might even think he's going on these trips alone, only to discover that there's either someone coming along for that trip, or someone else at his destination that you didn't know about.
You should stay in constant contact with him on these trips to keep him accountable. You should especially watch for him being suddenly unavailable or not responding to texts in the evening.
It's a terrible truth - but both men and women use online dating to seek out either attention or even a new partner. They'll setup a profile that makes it seem like they want to meet people for a serious relationship, but the truth is that they already HAVE a relationship.
Both men and women do this, but married men are more likely to use this method. Even though men and women tend to cheat in about the same numbers, each gender has a different way of prowling for new interests.
So watch for him possibly having new dating apps on his phone (Tinder, Match.com, etc.) or sudden computer use where you can't see what he's doing on the screen.
QUICK TRICK: Send him an email at his personal address and see how long it takes him to read and respond to it. And watch his reaction!
Guys are generally very consistent. We have our routines and habits, and we stick to them.
Even his character and behavior is usually consistent.
Which means when you detect an unexplained change in his character, you have to see it as a warning sign.
If he was patient before, and now he's suddenly very aggravated all the time, that's an example. Or if he starts changing his views on certain political issues.
Sometimes it's talking about new books or interests that you had never heard of before.
Guys sometimes get more complimentary to you when they're in the midst of an affair. He may compliment or flatter you more as a way to make you feel good, and keep the attention off him.
This goes for just about any area of your interactions. If you bring something up or call him out on his behavior, he deflects it by turning it back on you.
What he hopes is that by doing this, you'll be in defensive mode and you won't even think to attack him.
His defense becomes: "Yeah? Well you do X, Y, and Z - so you can't complain about me."
One of the most likely situations is when a man is pulling away from you in your relationship. He suddenly grows distant and cold.
More often than not, this sign isn't about cheating. It's about him needing to get some alone time to rejuvenate. (You can get my book on this by checking out my quiz, HERE... )
Men can also grow distant as a way to start unplugging from a relationship.
Most women know after the fact that their husbands or boyfriends had actually mentioned the woman's name that he was seeing. She might not have picked it up at the time, but for some reason it stands out that he is talking about someone new.
Listen for new people that come up in conversation that you've never heard of before.
Don't put him on the spot about it - give him a chance to tell you as much as he can about her first. Then gently ask him, "So who is Amy?"
If he looks caught off guard, there's something up.
Unfortunately, many guys who cheat are influenced to do it by a peer group that has no problem cheating on their wives or girlfriends.
You should definitely be concerned if your man is hanging out with other guys who have a history of cheating or infidelity. And you should be even more concerned if it ended one of their marriages.
As with all affiliations, you should always know who your boyfriend or husband hangs out with - and what their personalities are like. Part of a woman's role in a man's life is helping him "lose the losers" so that he can "be all that he can be" in his life.
NOTE: This is a very serious signal if he happens to be your husband (and not just a boyfriend.)
You may start to notice that your boyfriend or husband has these gaps of time where he disappears. He might tell you his phone battery died (way more than the average person's), or he has blocks of time that you can't seem to account for his silence.
I'm sure you can imagine what he may be up to in those gaps of time. And unless it's something really compelling and verified, you should investigate further.
One of the strongest signs he's "shopping at another store" is when he stops doing 'the business' with you.
If your sex life has turned to a desert, it's time for you to look at why. Any relationship that will hold up over time finds a way to renew and revive the sex drive of both people. Sure, you'll have dry spells on occasion, but you should always shift back into "Yeeee-ha!" mode at the first opportunity.
Don't let any kind of stagnation get into your bedroom life.
This will only spell out one of three situations - and you want NONE of them: A sexless marriage, or an eventual affair - or breakup!
You deserve the kind of attention that makes you feel desired. Being neglected physically is just as bad as emotional neglect.
One of the best defenses is a strong offense, I like to say.
And that means that another signal he's cheating on you might be when he accuses YOU of cheating on him. Yeah, that's right. He'll try to flip the tables on you.
It puts you back on your heels - and you now feel like you have to defend yourself. Plus, now HE seems like the insecure, jealous guy that you have to work to make happy.
It's a clever strategy that can keep you from questioning the relationship until it's too late.
If he was once prompt and reliable to show up for family events, or social get-togethers, but he has suddenly become very Unreliable - you have a suspicious situation.
Showing up habitually late is an issue, because it begs the question of where he was and what he was doing. A lot of guys take advantage of those situations to see their side girlfriend because it's hard for you to pay attention to him closely if you're involved in the event or gathering somewhere else.
His unreliability might be indicating a distracted man.
This is a big sign. When a guy starts guarding his privacy more and more with you, there's something going on.
Sometimes this can add up to a virtual second life for him on the Internet. Keep an eye out...
Well, maybe it's work. Maybe it's just a reason to take a chance with someone he knows at work.
The unfortunate thing is that most of us spend more time with our co-workers than we often do with our own partners. And that can create a false emotional connection with someone. He might get stuck on a project with someone, and he realizes that there's some chemistry.
Especially if your relationship is wanting at home, you might ignore your conscious and take a chance.
If there's no good reason for him to suddenly be consumed by work, you have to look at what's going on behind the scenes.
I wouldn't be a guru - much less a relationship expert - if I didn't point this signal out to you.
What's the best way to convince you that he's not cheating? Why, it's by telling you how much he hates cheaters and cheating!
In psychology, this is recognized as a defensive mechanism.
Plus, it just makes you think: "Well, if he's that much against it - he couldn't possibly be cheating on me!"
Him saying this also makes you decide he could never be such a liar right in that moment. And most likely, you'll believe that there's no way he could be cheating if he's so against cheating himself.
If he's leaving you alone on your own for long periods of time, you're going to feel the neglect. It's like an ache inside you that you can never quite soothe.
Chances are, he's keeping a schedule with someone else on the side that keeps him occupied.
When you're feeling ignored and neglected, you might even be tempted to find some companionship yourself.
One of the most obvious flubs a guy can make when he's seeing a woman on the side is when he calls you by HER name. It's an easy enough mistake, and it can happen when he's most flustered.
If he gets even more flustered when you ask him who "Maureen" is, you should keep pressing the point until he tells you what's going on. Guys don't make up women's names on the spot.
People who cheat tend to fall into the same usual patterns of behavior. That means he will do stuff that is pretty much typical of every situation when men cheat.
When a guy is seeing another woman, he tends to let his sexuality "flip out" for a while.
When his "hard drive" has crashed - he just loses interest in bedroom intimacy. And it's usually because he's getting it from someone else.
This is when you start smelling perfume on him - or other scents that just don't make sense. Especially if these scents are floral or feminine.
You can bet that a woman has come into his life in some way or another. And if he's close enough to smell like her, you've got a problem that must be handled.
It's also a problem if you find ANY evidence - like earrings, or a piece of clothing. Some guys like to keep trophies, so be on the lookout for him having something feminine that is NOT yours.
Sometimes our subconscious tries to tell us that something seems off, way before our logical mind comes up with the reason for it. One of the ways this comes out is in our emotional state.
If you find yourself getting jealous more frequently, that may be your inner voice telling you that you're not feeling the level of closeness and connection you desire.
Which might mean that he's feeling more distant. And you also feel that your relationship is in jeopardy.
One thing that comes with the territory of him cheating on you is that he will turn into a bit of a liar. It's all part of his cheating, because once you start telling lies, it's hard to stop. Now you have to cover up and keep the old lies working.
It goes without saying that if you catch him lying to you about things - and this isn't part of his character - it's a troubling signal that he might be covering up his tracks.
He will give off definite lying signals to you in conversation. Such as:
Watch out for signs he may be lying to you.
If your man starts lifting weights, or going on a diet, or buying new clothes...
Maybe he gets some new cologne...
Or decides he's going to redecorate the house...
Big changes of environment and appearance (or a lot of small ones) can be a big clue that there's something going on with him. Very often it's him re-awakening an awareness of himself through a new romance. You'll see this happen more often in a long-term relationship or marriage.
He's trying to be sexy again. Great.
But for who?
Sometimes it takes a friend who works up enough courage to tell you about something they saw. And that something is usually your boyfriend in a situation that he shouldn't be. Maybe making steamy eye contact in the back of a bar or restaurant.
Sometimes it's an affectionate touch that is clearly a big red flag for you...
But you'll hear about this through a friend who happened to see him somewhere - with someone other than you. And that's a definite signal that there's something going on.
In the end, you really do have to trust your gut. If you feel like something's going on - chances are there probably is.
If you sense the presence of another woman, you have to go on alert and start paying attention. It might sound like some tired cliche out of the 1950s, but it's true. You have to trust your instincts and turn on your radar.
Look cheating is difficult. It's agonizing to consider that someone you love has betrayed you.
But before you go and accuse him, you have to know what the truth is about your relationship. You might be more concerned that it's emotional cheating instead of sexual - or maybe either situation would bring your thoughts to divorce or a breakup.
You do have to trust yourself and listen to your instincts.
But there's a way you can know what's really going on with him...
You have to be able to connect with him to know what a man REALLY wants...
And connection is what cheat-proofs any man - making him loyal to you - and ONLY you.
There's a CODE each man has that tells you how to get through to him and REALLY connect with him...