The reality is something that not many women understand.
So I'm going to warn you up front that I'm going to reveal some things here that are pretty controversial.
If you'd prefer to not have your beliefs challenged, I'm going to suggest you stick with the traditional, get-you-nowhere advice from women's magazines and random advice you got from your mom, or your friends. If you want to stay "comfortable," this might not be the page for you right now.
But if you've got what it takes to really face this thing head-on, what I'm about to tell you could be quite a shock to your system - one that will help you get that commitment once and for all.
That's implied. We just don't want to be subtly (or not-so-subtly) rushed down the aisle.
Which actually leads me to another point...
COMMITMENT TIP #2: Wait Longer With Him
Yes, you heard me right. WAIT.
In study after study after study, it's been shown that - if given a choice - women would prefer to wait much longer to sleep with a guy.
And it's been shown that MEN also prefer to wait longer as well - contrary to the "pressure" that women feel to "give it up."
So if both sides would like to wait longer, what's going on here?
Well, many women feel like they can only win a guy over if they lock him down with sex. Beat the other girl to the punch, right?
And since the guy doesn't mind the quick, easy sex, he's not going to say "Hold on there, missy. Let's grow the emotional attachment I need first. I'm not entirely comfortable getting physical yet." (Yeah, right...)
Well, most guys won't... but some guys DO.
I should know - I was one of them.
I realized early on about this confusing mix of urgency for sex and a need to emotionally bond with a woman first. I eventually had to put my hand up and say, whoah - we need to slow down here. Because I knew that if we hurried into sex, I'd get bored. No more challenge.
Which - ironically - only had the effect of challenging women even more, so they felt they had to work harder to get me into bed faster.
If you hurry into bed with a guy in an attempt to shortcut him into bonding with you, it will only be a quick satisfaction of his sexual needs - not his emotional needs.
And it will often feel empty to him.
If he doesn't get some time where he's allowed the delicious frustration of chasing you and attempting to pull YOU into bed, the relationship won't have a chance to create strong and real attachment.
It's a little like pouring Jell-o into a container and constantly shaking it up. It won't set properly.
Trust me: If he won't wait a couple weeks longer for you, he wouldn't have been a candidate for long-term relationship partner with you, either.
And now we get to:
COMMITMENT TIP #3: Don't try to be the super girlfriend...
This one is related to tip #1. Many men sense when a woman has made her own mind up to be monogamous and exclusive - mostly because she's hoping this will make him reciprocate.
"I'm making you the center of my universe," she seems to be saying. "Don't you want to do the same for me?"
One part of this advice you will find difficult to do is this: You need to DATE OTHER MEN.
You need to do this until he's made a commitment to you, and for the following reasons:
- You need a frame of reference from which to make a comparison. If you're looking for a guy to stick with - and don't lie to yourself, you probably are - then you deserve to pick the very best, don't you?
- You won't feel that one man holds your entire future just because he's all you've got. This puts you in scarcity thinking, and drives down your value. Which is why having more than one man will put you in a mindset of abundance.
- He will sense your status and want to "lock you down." And no, it won't just be because he's got competition. A man doesn't ever commit because he HAS to. He does it because he sees that he's got a woman of value. And value = desirability in his eyes.
- But because he's got competition, he'll step up to his "A" game. A guy is on his best behavior when he's held accountable by the character and actions of other men. And this is the best kind of "peer pressure" you can have when choosing a partner.
The usual objection I get to this "Date Other Men" strategy is usually:
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