Men are hard to read - and even harder is knowing what he’s thinking about your relationship. If you’ve ever asked him what he’s thinking, you know what I’m talking about. You are probably desperate to know: What do men look for in a woman?
What does he want...?
Maybe you want to get married, settle down and start a family. But it’s getting harder and harder to win a man’s heart. Especially if you want him to propose to you.
Ultimately, it comes down to just ONE important thing - and the answer might surprise you.
However, before I get to that here in this article, there are a bunch of traits and behaviors that he’s looking for. These are all the different facets of the gem of YOU that he’s looking for.
I'm going to talk about a bunch of different traits. But just because there are a lot of them doesn't mean you should feel intimidated.
Don't freak out! If you are a good woman inside, it shouldn't be difficult for him to see each of these qualities in you. This list of traits is what you want to accentuate when you're around him!
They're like love signals.
But it also never hurts to make sure you show them to him. Each time you do you will be cementing yourself inside his heart.
Let’s talk about each of the things a man looks for in a woman.
1. A Good Heart
And by heart, I mean she has compassion and a loving nature. This is essential for a guy.
Men know that a woman with a good heart will be a perfect companion for him. Not because HE doesn't have a good heart but that hers will help bring out his good nature along the way.
These days, a lot of women appear very selfish. And when they are on a bad day, they are completely disconnected from their heart.
And a man knows this so well that it's one of the most important things you should be showing him right off the bat.
2. She's Confident
Confidence is one of the most misunderstood traits in women. Most women misunderstand what confidence is, and how to show it.
Confidence is simply your ability to hold up your boundaries when you need to. And refusing to let other people manipulate you or use you.
And, honestly, a man looks for this in a woman because he needs to know you're going to be able to stand up to him and hold your ground. He WANTS you to be strong. He doesn't want to be able to steamroll you or manipulate you.
3. She’s Smart
Intelligence is both highly overrated and underrated today. The truth is that a man wants a woman who is smart. Smart enough to give him feedback and help him see things that he doesn't see.
And smart enough to navigate her own life effectively and successfully.
He doesn't just want a woman who reads a lot of books, he wants a woman who can put that knowledge to work. Your feminine wisdom is something he will never have. And that's why he's looking for it in a relationship with you.
4. Honesty, honesty, honesty.
In the same way that you want your man to be honest with you, he knows you have to be truthful to him. And that means being very truthful about your emotions and what's going on inside you.
Men frequently feel manipulated by women. We know that women are more sophisticated at social games than we are.
So he has to believe that you have his best interests in mind. That you won't manipulate him just to get your way.
And that requires your honesty.
It all comes down to trust. Can he trust you?
5. You Are Fit
This is how I explained it to one of my previous girlfriends in the past: “I don't need you to be a skinny stick bug supermodel. I just need whatever you have to be healthy and fit.”
Healthy body, healthy mind...
And this is how most men feel about the woman in his life. He doesn't need you to conform to an unrealistic body image. He needs you to simply keep yourself in shape.
And seeing you put in the effort towards it is the most important part. That shows him that you really care about staying attractive for him.
One of his biggest concerns is that you'll get comfy and let yourself go after you settle into the relationship. That you will CHANGE on him.
The beauty of this is that when you are fit and staying healthy, he will feel that same expectation back from you and he will stay fit as well.
6. You talk about what matters
Let's face it, there are just as many women who don't understand the importance of communication in a relationship. We talk about everything but what really matters.
A man needs you to be open and communicative about whatever is bothering you as well as whatever you enjoy in the relationship.
You have to tell him, because he doesn't have ESP.
I know, this is a news flash for many, but men cannot read your mind.
The expectation that he should just “know” what you need is a common misperception. It comes from you thinking that he has the same abilities that a woman does.
Just because your girlfriends can figure you out doesn't mean that HE can. Men are pretty thick when it comes to figuring out what's going on inside your head.
So make sure that you don't make this mistake - talk about what you want to hear about.
7. Getting better every day
If you're in a quality relationship with a quality man, he's going to expect that you want to improve yourself. That you're looking to make yourself better every day.
Really what this comes down to is that you don't want to stagnate.
Always work on being a better YOU...
A friend of mine used to say that if a tree is not growing, it's dying. That was his way of saying that all living things must continue to grow and improve. If they don't, then it's the start of death.
It sounds kind of dire, but it's true.
So stay focused on your own self improvement. Read books, take up hobbies, and keep growing.
8. Stay Sexy
This was the advice that someone gave at a bridal party I once went to. (Yeah, I know it was crazy for them to let a guy in on a group of women giving up their secrets.)
But this was one of the most valuable lessons I've ever heard and it's just as true today.
You have to stay sexy for your partner. If you want your man to really keep investing himself in your relationship, in your marriage, then you've got to stay sexy.
Staying sexy is simply an attitude.
- It's keeping yourself valuable and valuing yourself
- It's looking your best
- It's never taking anything for granted in your relationship
- It's keeping the attitude that you are a high value woman
9. That friend thing
It's a little bit of a cliché but men and women do expect their partner to be their best friend. Men do as well.
You should - of course - have friends outside the relationship that you can vent problems to or talk things out with. Not every single problem should be discussed with your man. (I discussed this in detail in The Connection Code Program.)
But when it comes right down to it, you've got to connect with your man on a very deep friendship level. Because he's also expecting it from you.
10. She’s a cheerleader
Men are typically stoic by nature. He doesn't show much emotion. and this means that others might not know when he needs help or support.
Complement his silent strength...
So in the end, he's going to want you to be his cheerleader. The woman who supports him the most. Who doesn't talk down his dreams or his ambitions.
Make sure you're giving him the loving support he really needs. Not criticism or judgement.
11. The "R" Word
It's not surprising that respect is one of the most valued things a woman can give, or that a woman deeply desires respect as well. Both people in a relationship need tons of respect.
One of the worst things you can ever do is to embarrass your guy.
Or make him feel like less of a man. This is the kiss of death for any relationship.
There are ways to communicate with a guy when you need to fix something. And the right words make all the difference. This is the essence of what I put in my programs for women.
12. Real loving affection
Every guy wants a woman who will fawn over him. We love it when a woman gives us a lot of physical affection.
Men don't typically experience a lot of physical connection with other people in their lives. It's part of the whole “growing up as a guy” thing.
Different societies in different cultures also have their particular norms.
Give him lots of loving attention. Kisses, hugs, physical affection. This is one of the keys to keeping a man happy and connected to you.
Men feel intimacy through physical connection.
13. She’s Reliable
If there's one thing men look for in a woman it's this: Reliability
Men also use this trait to figure out if a guy is a good friend to him or not. Reliability is how well you come through for him when he needs it.
- Can he give you something to do and trust that you will get it done?
- Can he believe that you’ll be there when he needs you?
Reliability is another form of trust for a guy, and you can't overlook it. It's vital to a relationship with a man.
14. She can laugh with him
A sense of humor and the ability to laugh at life is a big deal for a guy.
You probably know that a sense of humor in a guy is important. What you might not know is that it's also important to him.
Not that you are “stand up comedian funny” - but that you know how to joke about things. You can laugh. You don't have an overly sensitive nature.
Because a lack of humor in a woman often indicates that his love life will be very very difficult. We know this intuitively.
15. Relaxed and cool to hang out with
A lot of men experience relationships as being a constant walk on eggshells. We don't feel the same kind of relaxed camaraderie in our love relationship that we do in our male relationships.
You're just so easy to be with...
You may have heard guys say that they want a “cool chick to hang out with like one of the guys.” And nothing could be truer than this.
It doesn't mean you have to act like a guy, it just means that you are relaxed enough to hang out with guys.
If you find it difficult to be with men in a group, he's going to pick up on this and probably think that you are too structured and rigid. Or uptight.
Again, this is something that will block your relationship from growing beyond a superficial romance.
16. Social and friendly
A lot of guys feel like they need a woman that agrees well with his friends. And even though some of his friends may turn out to be a little bit less than mature, you should do your best to befriend them.
Later on, you can help steer him away from the “bad influences.”
And you want to be as social as you can with everyone while you're in a relationship. A woman is expected to be friendly, and a guy often relies on her to be the social lubrication he needs when he goes out.
17. Values align
A guy really needs a woman in his life that aligns with what he believes in. When the two of them are not in alignment, the relationship suffers.
A few of the things he needs in your values are things like:
- The way you view the world
- Politics and beliefs
- The way you treat yourself and others
- Philosophy of child-rearing and family
- Money - how you manage it
When it comes right down to it, it doesn't matter how attractive you are - or really any of your other qualities. If you're not aligned in values, the relationship doesn't stand a chance.
This is why it's so incredibly important for you to find out what his values are along the way.
18. A giving generous spirit
If there's one thing that's essential for a man it's knowing that the woman in his life is able to be a nurturing Force. This is one of the reasons men get into a relationship in the first place.
Men don't carry the same kind of skill and ability for nurturing that women do. This is why the role of a mother is so important in a child's life.
So a guy will look at how generous and giving you are to help him figure out if you are a good match for him.
Keep in mind that this also includes how compassionate you are.
It's especially important to a man that you are consistent with him. Meaning that you don't constantly change your attitude and the way you treat him with every passing mood. He has to feel like your love for him is constant.
When anyone experiences love that is erratic or inconsistent, it creates anxiety.
You may have felt this when a guy wasn't fully invested in your relationship. He was never really THERE for you.
This leads you to feel anxiety and uncertainty in your relationship. That's something that men don't want either.
The more constant you are, the more consistent you can be, the more he will love you for it.
20. Got your own thing going on
You may have heard this explained in the past as you “having your own life.”
It means is basically that you are not simply focused on a relationship as your number one goal in life.
- You've got your own thing going on.
- You got your own hobbies and interests
- You're not in a holding pattern waiting for the right man to come along
As they say in all the books, make sure you have your own life together. Because no man wants to be your rescue project.
This is one of the traits that most women have forgotten about. And yet it's the most important thing you can have to attract a man into falling in love with you.
It's a simple fact that:
A woman who can challenge a man creates tension that drives up his attraction for her.
Sexual tension is the key to creating a relationship that lasts the test of time.
If you look at any relationship that has lasted years and years, the relationship they have is loving because each one of them has challenged the other one in healthy ways.
If you want your relationship to grow and thrive, you cannot be a doormat to the man in your life.
He's expecting you to challenge him...
- Challenge him to grow
- Challenge him to understand your relationship
- Challenge him to communicate better with you
- Challenge him to understand your needs and give them to you
A relationship without challenge is boring to a man.
And this is in large part the reason that many men walk away from relationships. He drifts away from you because he feels no thrill of challenge in being a part of the relationship.
22. She’s a communicator
When it comes down to it, a guy just doesn't have the same communication skills a woman typically does. At least not in a relationship.
That's why he relies on her to be a good communicator.
Be a safe haven for communication.
She's got to be able to:
- Talk about her feelings
- Talk about his feelings
- Explain her needs and desires clearly
- Find ways to tackle the issues of the relationship without adding more conflict
You might think that I'm saying that you have to do everything. I'm NOT!
But you do have to take some responsibility for starting most of the communication. And yes, he has to live up to his part as well.
And you have to be willing to hold him accountable for that.
23. Strong boundaries
When push comes to shove, your relationship should never have any pushing or shoving. But occasionally you will feel him push back against you. And you will push against him.
- Boundaries in a relationship show where each of your identities END and the other person’s begins
- Boundaries help you define what you are comfortable with and how you would like to be treated by others.
- Boundaries protect your ‘self’ by setting a clear line between what IS me and what is NOT me.
- A lack of boundaries opens the door for others to misinterpret - or take control of - your thoughts, feelings, and needs.
That’s what a man wants you to be responsible for - your boundaries.
There are some men who will push on those boundaries in very unhealthy ways. It’s up to you to keep your boundaries strong. No one can ensure the integrity of your boundaries but YOU.
Because when a man is healthy, he will WANT you to have these boundaries in place!
24. A Healthy Physical Relationship
Hey, when it comes right down to it, he wants you to have a healthy, strong relationship with your sexuality. You should be comfortable in your body.
Sexual intimacy is extremely important for men. Mostly because it's how men experience emotional intimacy with a woman.
Men don't typically want to talk about it. We like to experience it.
So when it comes to your physical relationship, a man is looking for a woman who has a healthy physical relationship with herself.
If you had a lot of issues in your past - and possibly your childhood - then one of your priorities should be to get some professional help to resolve these issues. Because they will come up in your romantic relationships over and over again.
25. No Drama (or at least a minimal amount)
Drama "queens" experience life as a rollercoaster. (Guys can also be into drama, too, but it's much more rare.) Relationships are great, then horrible. People lose jobs, get cheated on, and are part of perpetually intense, unstable relationships.
This is a big one for men. Mostly because guys love PEACE and QUIET.
Calm waters. Smooth sailing. Etc.
Your drama usually means situations that can't really be solved - Or that keep repeating and never getting repaired. Which makes them agony for guys who are more solution oriented.
So when a guy has to deal with a lot of heavy emotional content, he starts to get emotionally exhausted - even if the drama has nothing to do with him. Eventually he does everything he can to distance himself from the drama.
You've probably heard guys complain about this in the past. Men just don't like having to deal with the soap opera of other people's lives.
Of course you want to be able to share important events and situations that need to be solved. And he wants to help you with them. But the less you include him on the emotional saga of your life, the better.
26. Men want a super listener
I have probably turned away half the women I’ve dated (maybe more) simply because she wouldn't listen to me. And by listen what I mean is that she didn't really seem to hear me.
He needs to know he's heard...
She may have nodded and looked attentive, but what she was really doing was waiting for her chance to say something.
I've had women that were so bad at listening to me that I would end the date as early as I could to get away from them.
In the same way that it probably hurts you, when a man isn't heard, it's actually painful for us. Men don't have the same kind of social conversation outlet that women do. We don't share as much to our male friends.
So when we're with a woman, we expect a kind, feminine, listening ear.
And this is, by far, the most valuable thing you can give him.
There's a simple trick to getting a guy to feel all of these things. Earlier, I told you that it comes down to just ONE important thing - and this may surprise you.
In the end, all you have to do is make him feel CONNECTED to you.
It's what you want, isn't it? To feel connected?
And the only way to do that is to know what his Connection Code is...
Every man has his own personal combination lock on his heart. And when you know what his "code" is - you can unlock it!
Find out how the Connection Code works with your man HERE...