If you've been dating at all in your 30s, 40s and up, you've probably found yourself wondering if a guy really wants to be with you. And that also means that you want to know how to get a guy to want you.
And I'm guessing you'd like him to put in some effort and chase you, too, right?
How do you know if a guy likes you or wants you?
It's not always easy to get the relationship and commitment you want when you're putting all your effort into getting him to see that you're the dream woman for him. And if you want to break out of being "just friends" with him and into the passion zone, it's even harder. Especially if you don't have a plan.
Many women want to know:
How to get a guy to like you?
How to get the sparks flying?
How to get him to like you through text?
What do men find sexy?
How to get a guy to like you again - if you've lost him?
I'm going to answer some of the important questions about how to get a guy to want you right here and now.
To start any relationship with DESIRE and PASSION - and if you want to be his girlfriend or if you want a commitment from him, or a husband in the future - more than anything -
You need to know how men think.
Likes and dislikes aside, there's always a reason a man falls in love with a woman. And you'll have the advantage if you know HOW he thinks about you and relationships.
So let's dig right in with...
TIP 1: Get Him To Pay Attention To You...
It might seem like a pretty obvious tip - but one of the most important steps to nailing this man down as your boyfriend is knowing how to get him to give you his passionate attention.
SIMPLE TRUTH: If he's not noticing you, he's not attracted to you.
Now, you don't have to resort to any kind of cheap attention-getting techniques to attract him or get him interested, like showing off or being loud. Those tricks only work against you anyway.
But escaping the friend zone and creating some real sexual attraction with him means:
"You need to know what makes men pay attention to one woman more than another."
Here are a few things men notice about you:
How you smell - the right perfume can work in your favor... the wrong one (or too much) will kill his desire...
When you check other guys out - You thought we guys were clueless about when you look at other guys, huh? Yes, we know when women do this - even if you're much less obvious than men are. If you want him to want you, avoid the visual "shopping" when you're out...
Your hair - Yeah, you knew it was important to have luminous, flowing hair - but you might not realize how men look at your hair to decide how you must be taking care of yourself. Good hair = good self care...
Your Body Language - How you move gives away your thoughts and feelings in so many different ways. Just think about what YOU read from a man's body language! The fact is that you can't trick someone by saying one thing with your words and saying something else with your body. So learn how to present the best attitude with your body language...
If you can compliment him sincerely - Guys don't get a lot of verbal affirmations, so a good compliment is one of your best weapons...
Making Strong Eye Contact - Being able to use some flirty eye contact with a guy is critical to triggering his love hormones and getting him to think of you as more than just friends...
Look, we men notice just about EVERYTHING about a woman, even if we might not be able to conjure the words after meeting you. It's only later on that we figure out what made us feel attracted to you. And by then, it's too late! Your opportunity is gone.
If you see a guy you want to pay attention to you, go ahead and intentionally "run into" him - literally bump into him if necessary. Men don't care how you get into our awareness - only that you do!
(And most guys are clueless about the "bump into him" trick, so don't worry - he won't know it was on purpose!)
And if he's "just a friend" right now, you may have to put some real flirty energy out there. Even at the risk of being rejected! (Love is a contact sport - so get moving!)
TIP 2: Show Him Some Personal Power...
One of the things that men desire more than anything is high self-esteem in a woman. Yes, we want confidence.
But that may not mean what you THINK it means. Pop psychology has redefined what "high self esteem" is in the last 40 years or so. And it's not very accurate.
Let me start by giving you an idea what confidence is NOT:
It's not being "a bitch"
It's not "playing hard to get"
It's not "dominating" men - or anyone
It's not "diminishing men" or by treating him like a little boy
It's not being loud or crude in public
It's not trying to avoid putting any effort into him
It's not a "mind trick" of making yourself feel good even when you don't...
A man wants to see some indications that you're a strong person and can stand on your own two feet. And - yes - he wants to know that you won't let him walk all over you.
In fact, he wants to RESPECT you. It doesn't matter if you met on some dating sites, or you just started talking at a party. A man wants to know that YOU not only respect you, but he can respect you too. He needs that for a long term commitment.
RIGHT FROM THE START!
So when you show him some personal power, you should focus on telling him stories.
Tell him a story that demonstrates that you've got a plan - you've got your life together. You're a person of depth and character.
That you're a good woman...
Tell him about your strongest relationships and your most valued connections...
Tell him about your passionate goals & dreams - and your accomplishments...
Tell him about the times of your life that you would want a man to witness and know more about you...
Tell him about your plans for the future...
Tell him about the fun you want to have in life...
That's what will make men want you. Not overly confident and cocky or pretentious. Just be laid back and unflappable.
This kind of confidence starts with knowing how to talk to men in the right way.
I'll come back to this topic in just a bit...
TIP 3: Make That First Impression Zing...
It's widely accepted that first impressions are often lasting.
But what you may not know is that anyone can easily overcome an awkward first impression. IF he's a genuinely nice guy, he'll give you a second chance.
Is there a "spark"?
BUT at the same time, you should make it your plan to start things off with a passionate energy. Don't risk him choosing some other woman who was more "on" than you were that night.
Dos And Don'ts For The First Meeting:
DO: If you date a man that turns out to be a jerk or a loser, just get rid of him. If he's not 80-90% of what you want in a man RIGHT NOW - move on RIGHT NOW. Do NOT try to sculpt him just to avoid being alone for a few more weeks. He's a man, not a boy - and he isn't likely to change...
DON'T: Don't fall over yourself apologizing if you don't make such a good impression. Just get back to being YOU and you'll find your heart warms and your anxiety melts. That feeling of "she's pretty cool" will communicate everything...
DO: If it's a date, offer to pay your part of the bill, nicely. Most guys will insist and pay anyway. That's fine, you just don't want to seem like you're acting entitled. You do the dance and you let him be the MAN. It's gotta start somewhere...
DON'T: Don't worry about saying just the right thing, or fall back on regrets like "ooh, I shoulda said this" or "I shoulda said that..." He really doesn't care. It's when you get all thinky and up-in-your-head that you won't be as attractive to men. It's because you can't be analyzing what's happening and still be in the present moment...
DO: Make sure you make the man a good part of the conversation. Keep him talking. Ask him questions about what he likes and doesn't likes. Ask him what he wants in a woman (you'd probably be surprised that this is something most women are far too insecure to ask - but we men want to tell you.) Talk to him about what you liked in him that got YOUR attention - which makes a great compliment...
A man's feeling of love is amazingly similar to a woman's feeling of love. All he has to know is that he's being seen as a good person with the same kind of feelings you do.
TIP 4: Guys Just A-Wanna Have Fun...
Look, the fact is that Cyndi Lauper was right - girls just wanna have fun!
But you might not know that men want to have fun, too.
You're easy to be with...
In fact, it's one of the "gut-feel" appraisals he's making about you all the time.
HE THINKS: Can this girl have FUN? Because that means *I* will have fun!
One of the easiest ways a man can figure out how much fun you are is through your sense of humor. A guy is always looking for an opportunity to see how you respond to situations with a good sense of humor.
Here are just a few of the ways that guys see your sense of humor:
Do you think HE is funny? Look, a man isn't going to re-invent his own style of humor to appeal to you. He's been working on it since he was a boy. Many YEARS, in fact. He's just going to try out his style of humor with you and see how you respond. And if you don't respond, men will assume it's YOU that has the lousy sense of humor. It's a raw deal, but his corny jokes aren't likely to go away. If you can appreciate his humor, he'll probably think you've got a GREAT sense of humor...
For him to get into a commitment and a relationship, he has to know that he's not trading his freedom for sex. This is a HUGE worry men have up front. He's willing to concede some things to get his physical needs met, but he also needs to know you're not going to be a nagging shrew for the next 30 or 40 years. Knowing that you're a fun person relaxes his worry...
Your Smile! Yeah, we can see how much a woman smiles by her everyday expression. You might have heard the term: "Resting Bitch Face"? My wife educated me to this term, and let me assure you that no man wants to see a woman with an expression that says they can't smile.
You're interested in trying new things. Nothing says BORING more than a woman who is set in her ways and doesn't try new things. Even if he's the kind of guy that isn't adventurous, he definitely wants a woman that seems open to new experience. Food, new activities, travel, whatever that new thing is, let him know where you're interested in new things. You have to have a passion for LIFE!
TIP 5: No Green Eyed Monster HERE...
Men everywhere have a huge fear that their girlfriend or wife is going to turn into a jealous monster after he gets into a relationship.
Look, he's not planning to fool around on you. Every man starts a relationship hoping (no - PRAYING) that this woman gives him the effort he needs and that he never needs to look elsewhere.
So it's imperative that he knows you won't be texting him at all hours when he's out with his buddies, asking: "Where are you? What's HER name?"
He wants to know that if he wants to talk to a female friend or co-worker at the Holiday party, you won't lose it on him.
... or any other crazy stuff.
He does want to know that you'll pay good attention to him and not leave him feeling under-nourished for love and attention. He wants to know you're attracted to him, too.
A man knows that jealousy can often mask some deep insecurities. (If a woman finds it hard to compliment other women, or that she does it to win another woman's acceptance, there's a good chance she's insecure.)
The feelings he wants to see from you are simply HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT HIM. No jealousy - just appreciation for him that shows how much you're interested.
TIP 6: Give Him Conversation With Meaning...
If you want him to want you, simply talk to men in ways that spark his imagination and desire. Talking to him about YOUR life is okay. But when you talk to him about an idea you had about how to make tomorrow more fun and exciting - THAT will stir him up!
Start a conversation about the things he likes in life. His hobbies...
Show genuine interest.
And then hit him with a deep question about it so that he knows you're GETTING him.
And then listen to his answer!
For example, if he's into electronic dance music, you ask him which genre he likes most. (A few minutes research on the Internet would tell you that there are literally dozens of different kinds of EDM out there.)
He'll be impressed with you, and impressed that you came up with such a good, insightful question about it. Guys are used to hearing women ask some pretty lame questions - which tells us that you're not really interested in our experience.
EXAMPLE of what NOT to do:
HIM: "Yeah, I have a passion for fixing old cars. Rebuild the engines and restore them."
HER: "Huh, so you like to fix up cars? Yeah. I've got a car. What kind of a car do you drive?"
Questions like that feel empty and lazy to him. He just handed over the key to his heart, and she ruined her opportunity by talking about "What kind of car do you drive?" (Insert face-palm here.) That sounds more like she's seeing if he's got money than caring about his passions and dreams.
But when you pop a really powerful question that no other woman has asked him, you'll be amazed at how he starts to look at you differently. You're suddenly the person he wants to be with all the time.
The one he makes a commitment to.
When you're talking to him with interest and intelligence, he'll sit up and pay more attention to YOU.
He'll want to text a girl like you every minute of the day to make sure you're not thinking of some other guy...
You'll see his eyes start to sparkle as he looks you up and down, excited about you - and WANTING you.
And finally -
TIP 7: Keep Him Thinking About You...!
One of the least known tips about how to get him to want you lies in the secret of male psychology.
You see, men have very good imaginations. In fact, a man often has incredibly vivid fantasies about women. And not just the naughty kind!
You've got skills...
The short cut to desire is knowing how to get a man thinking about you when you're not near him.
If you really want a man to want YOU - you have to know how to insert good thoughts of you in his mind so that he obsesses about you when you're not around. Most women don't realize that men fall in love with women in the time when he's not in your presence.
This is the PERFECT situation to have that ensures he will want you - all the way to taking his vows of love in marriage to you.
There is a good way to get a man to start thinking about you, and get him passionately interested in knowing you more. Knowing you to your CORE.
The secret is simply in how you talk to men.
And most women don't really know how to make a meaningful, connecting conversation with a man. Many don't put in the effort.
If you want a commitment from him, you need to show him your warm heart - but he has to ache for you when he can't have it.
The key to making a man think about you is through CONVERSATION. Certain words and passion phrases will activate his romantic imagination.
A man is always fantasizing about the woman who last flipped his "obsession switch" in his head. The Obsession Switch is the part of his brain that holds all his secret desires and fantasies.
When a woman manages to get into the Obsession Zone of his mind, HE WILL CHASE HER.
A guy can be obsessed with a woman for all kinds of reasons. When I was coaching guys in their relationships, they would regularly tell me that they would fall for a woman because she said the right thing at the right time.
That's all it takes to get a man thinking about you every waking minute, in fact.
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